Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



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Monday, January 27, 2014

The Nose Knows


The nose is okay. The teeth . . .
Okay, yes, I had been told never to do it.
In fact, I had been threatened with certain death punishment if I did do it.
But it was my favourite indoor thing to do!
I was four. I admit it, my world was small.
My family was living in the ranch house on the Stringam ranch.
Two bedrooms downstairs.
And . . . umm . . . two bedrooms up? (I think. Counting past four made my mind crazy. And it was dark and scary up there.)
I had my own room on the ground floor.
I had recently graduated from my little ‘kitty’ bed to my own giant, iron bed.
My giant, iron bouncy bed.
You can probably see where this is going . . .
During the night, bouncy iron beds are good for sleeping.
During the day, they make perfect trampolines.
Yeah. My mom didn’t get it, either.
She would come into my room.
Kiss me awake.
Make the bed.
And leave.
Probably the part where she ‘left’ was her biggest mistake.
Or making the bed.
It’s a toss-up.
There was this remarkably smooth surface.
That was incredibly bouncy.
It was a no-brainer. Literally.
So I did.
Bounce, that is.
Boing. Boing. Boing.
First, on my knees.
Then, graduating to my feet.
Oh, you can really catch air when you use all of you!
This is fun!
“Diane! Are you jumping on the bed?”
Stopping. “Umm . . . no!”
“Don’t jump on the bed! You’ll get hurt!”
I looked around at my lovely, soft friend. “Pffff! How could I possibly get hurt?”
Boing. Boing.
“Diane!”
How did she know?!
Boing.
“Diane!”
Man, that woman could see through walls!
I sat there for a moment.
Then I heard the kitchen door close.
Mom had stepped outside for some reason.
My time had come!!!
Boing. Boing. Boing. Boiing. Booiing. Booiinng. Booiinngg!
Okay, now I was really flying!
You remember when I mentioned that mine was an iron bed?
Well, this is where that fact comes into play.
And FYI? If noses and iron come into contact?
Noses lose.
CRUNCH!
It took a moment for me to realize that something had happened.
Because something had definitely happened.
“Ahhhhhh!!! Moooooommmm!!!!” I can’t quite produce it here. Think of something high-pitched and piercing. Like an air raid siren.
Mom ran into the room and wrapped her erring daughter in warm, loving, Kleenex-bearing arms.
My little nose was shattered at the point of contact. The bridge.
I sported two very black eyes and a sore snout for many, many days.
I’d like to say I learned my lesson.
And I did. Sort of.
After my wounds had healed, and when Mom wasn’t looking, I still jumped on the bed.
But I hung onto the iron headboard.
That way, it couldn’t leap out at me unexpectedly.
Genius.
I’m happy to report that today, over 54 years later, I no longer jump on beds. The ceiling is simply too close for comfort.
But I do jump on trampolines.
Oddly enough, whenever I do, my nose hurts.
It remembers.



20 comments:

  1. Great story! And I love the line about how your nose knows when you jump on a trampoline today. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Obviously, noses never forget. Like elephants. With their BIG noses. Hmmm . . . I think we're onto something here . . .

      Delete
  2. She should've put your hair in an Afro and stuck Velcro on the ceiling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heehee! That would have solved a lot of problems all at once!

      Delete
  3. That is a painful story Diane... ow.... glad to hear you still jump on trampolines... now that I have lost so much weight, I think I will give one of those a try again.. they were so much fun :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh your poor little nose - ow ow ow!

    ReplyDelete
  5. My nose aches just reading this! That must have hurt so bad, Diane!!! But I think the picture at the top is priceless!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HeeHee! I didn't have one of me with swollen nose and black eyes. I figured that me with no teeth was almost as good!

      Delete
  6. Tee-Hee! The adventures of life!
    Love,
    Chris

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep. Me and adventure. We're pals . . .

      Delete
  7. We suffer from the same malady...no one can tell us what to do (or NOT to do)...sigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But the consequences are so . . .! Okay, I've got nothing.

      Delete
  8. Oh how sad but very funny this one was. I am so sorry for your nose; but i didn't enjoy the story. I remember jumping on my bed too. Those springs mattresses were awesome.
    Thanks and blessings for the smiles today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heehee! Did your mom get after you, too?

      Delete
  9. Such fun jumping, then such sudden pain...I cringed a little as soon as I read your new bed was bouncy. I knew what was coming.

    ReplyDelete

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