Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



All of My Friends

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Sex (Lack of) Education


No

Yes








This story is about sex.
Ahem . . .
I was raised on a ranch.
There are animals on a ranch.
Animals that do ‘animal stuff’.
Eating. Sleeping. Growing.
Making other ‘little’ animals.
Which then eat. And sleep. And grow.
And make other little . . .
You get the picture.
It was the rhythm of life throughout my childhood.
The statement, ‘I grew up with it’?
Applies here.
My earliest memory of the whole ‘animals fulfilling the measure of their creation’ happened when I was four.
Roundup.
A great red and white sea of animals had been penned in the main corrals.
One jumped atop another.
“Daddy, what’s that cow doing?”
My dad turned and looked. Then realized that he wasn’t quite ready to explain the whole reproductive process to his wide-eyed daughter. “Oh,” he said. “Ummm . . . resting his feet.”
“Oh.” I was satisfied.
For a while.
Oh, he did explain things.
Later. When the whole ‘resting his feet’ explanation started to wear a bit thin.
Yes, being raised on a ranch is an eye-opening experience.
By the time I was in grade nine, I knew it all.
Or thought I did.
We were in biology class. My favourite science.
The teacher was talking about animal reproduction.
Yawn.
Specifically: chickens.
“Now the chicken ovulates once a day,” he was saying. “That’s where we get our yummy, delicious eggs.”
I was with him this far.
“But when . . . exposed  . . . to a rooster, the egg becomes fertilized and a chick results.”
Wait a minute.
Roosters have a purpose? Other than the obvious one of chasing us kids around and being generally obnoxious?
Hold the phone!
Unfortunately, my astonishment was, much to my dismay, expressed verbally.
“What?!”
Whereupon (good word) every kid in the class turned and looked at me.
And snickered.
Sigh.
Yep. I was nearly 14.
And I had just learned that birds follow the same reproductive channels (so to speak) as other animals.
Okay. Now, I knew it all.
I just wish I could forget it . . .

24 comments:

  1. Kids raised on farms have a whole different outlook!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am still laughing at your dad's reply. That is a good one! Did you end up doing well in Bio?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. Fortunately no. My imagination only goes so far . . .

      Delete
  4. Your dad's response is perfect! I may have to steal that one for future grandchildren...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your dad thinks fast on his feet. Get it. . . on his feet? . . . resting legs? . . . OK, sorry . . . lame.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL, Diane--one of these days I'll tell you the story of the marching sperm. My very own embarrassing sex ed faux pas.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This would have been a candidate for the "Was My Face Red" series in Young Miss magazine :) (I haven't thought of that magazine in years, maybe even decades)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I believe I was about 25, and looked out the boss' window. "Look, those two birds are fighting." Silence.
    "I believe it's called 'mating.'"
    Dumbfounded red face.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, that's perfect! You can sit here by me! :)

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. You never know what they'll come up with! :)

      Delete
  10. I am so amazed at your story telling. I am really chuckling on this one. Thanks for the LOL moment and blessing for it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is embarrassing...I was in my early twenties when my husband and I were driving down the road. We saw two dogs bound together I shouted Look some one tied those two dogs tails together, how cruel. I jumped out of the car to play hero. In their surprise they became unstuck and I realized what had been going on I turned to look at hubby who was laying in the seat dying laughing. Every once in a while he'll say "Remember when you saved those 2 dogs tied together" ...then he remembers how uncomfortable the couch is!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahahahaha! I love it! You can sit here with Joanne and me!
      Yeah. The couch. Last stop for numerous faux pas!

      Delete
  12. I didn't grow up on a ranch, but I did know everything I needed to know from an early age. All of my friends had older siblings, word of mouth was the schoolyard method of sex-ed. By grade six, anybody still "in the dark" was clearly deaf.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The schoolyard education. If the school ROOM could compete, we'd be the most educated generation of all time!

      Delete

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Diane was born and raised on one of the last of the great old Southern Alberta ranches. A way of life that is fast disappearing now. Through her memories and stories, she keeps it alive. And even, at times, accurate . . .

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