Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Sunday, October 26, 2014

The Dreaded Panties


Me - at my best . . .
I hated them.
Maybe it was the color. Yucky green.
Maybe it was the fit. Tight elastic on the legs.
Whatever.
I only wore them under duress, when there was simply nothing else in my drawer. And following a highly intellectual and diverting argument with my Mom . . .
"Put them on, Diane!"
"Mo-om!"
"Put them on!"
Sigh.
Being the semi-obedient four-year-old that I was - and because 'going commando' hadn't been invented yet - I would haul my little green panties out from under the bed where I had hidden them and . . . shudder . . . pull them on.
Quickly, I would then hide them under a pair of blue jeans and try to put them out of my mind by heading outside to play. 
They itched.
They crawled into unwanted places.
They made me sweaty.
Sighing, I ignored them and joined the group of kids on the corner.
Now a couple of points of background . . .
In 1959, as in every neighborhood in Canada, weather permitting, we local kids gathered. Play commenced. As our mothers were working busily in their homes, we kids ran up and down the street, engaged in one of a thousand different imaginative schemes. At lunchtime, we were called home. We ate as quickly as we could, then returned to the street. Our mothers cleaned up and went back to their ironing or canning or one of hundreds of other chores. We kids played until supper was announced. 
When the lunchtime scenario was again enacted.
Actual physical parental supervision was unheard of. We policed ourselves. Tattled on each other. Looked after each other. When Kenny fell and broke his arm, an army of kids ran to his house and brought his mother. When Brenda got sick on the merry-go-round, same thing. 
It was a wonderful, carefree way to grow up.
Also, at this particular time, my Dad and older brothers had put up our family's brown canvas tent in the back yard.
I know this doesn't sound like an actual part of the story, but wait for it.
Now, back to my story . . .
My best friend and next door neighbor was Laurie. A sweet-tempered, agreeable girl just a bit younger than me. 
She followed me in everything.
Not always a good idea.
By early afternoon, I had been wearing the dreaded panties for much of the day. They had been my largely unwelcome companions while running, climbing, crawling, doing gymnastics, climbing, rolling, spinning, climbing . . . okay, I did a lot of climbing, but that is another story. 
They were really starting to bug me.
But there was no way I would ever be able to sneak into the house to remove them.
And then it hit me! 
If I ducked into the tent, I could shed the dreaded panties and my Mom would never know!
It was a brilliant plan. Awe inspiring.
Completely fool proof.
I acted immediately.
"Were are we going?" Laurie was right behind me, as usual.
"Into the tent."
"What are we going to do?"
"Take off our panties."
"Okay."
Did I mention that I often got Laurie into a lot of trouble?
In a few seconds, the deed was done. I wadded my cast-offs into a little ball and stuffed them down into a hidden corner of the tent.
Laurie did the same.
Then I pulled on my jeans and headed back outside.
Laurie followed.
Hah! Mission accomplished. No one would ever know.
Our friends were sitting around in my front yard, breathing hard from yet another race up and down the street. I pranced to the middle of the circle with Laurie close behind.
"We're not wearing any panties!" I sang out.
Okay, so, secret agent material, I wasn't.
"Panties!" Laurie echoed.
And suddenly, Laurie's mom was there, grabbing her little daughter and running with her towards their house.
I watched them go, wondering at the shocked and dismayed expression on Laurie's mom's face.
What on earth was wrong with her?
Maybe I should point out here that Laurie's mom always dressed her in frilly, feminine dresses.
Short-skirted dresses.
I got a lecture. Something about modesty and being a good example.
Who listened.
Parents are so weird.

15 comments:

  1. Too funny that you would spill the beans right away!!!

    I just can't wear uncomfortable clothing. I gave up trying to overcome that deficiency in my twenties. I just know I would end up having an accident of some kind (in the car or tripping or falling or involving sharp knives or deep water, you get the idea); it's that distracting an issue! So I sympathize with your little girl self.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. James Bond has nothing on me! I'm with you! I can't wear uncomfortable anything. It is very distracting! Even my swimsuit has to be a style that doesn't require adjustment to climb out of the pool!

      Delete
  2. Ok, now those don't look like any panties I ever owned! I have fallen in love with men's boxer briefs. Don't ask how that happened, but they are sooo comfy! I wear them under workout clothes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The panties are under the shorts. If I could have gotten away with JUST the shorts . . .
      Hmmm . . . Boxers. I must give this more thought . . .

      Delete
  3. This is a story about the camera shutter speed being quicker than the eye: You know when we went to a wedding in Missoula a couple of years ago, I was taking some action shots of the wedding party doing the 'leap of faith' off the steps at the ski slope. Upon editing the pictures, we found out that one of the girls in the party was Commando.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You may have thought there was no parental supervision but did you notice how quickly her mom was on the site.....OMG look at the word supervision....that is what Moms have....super vision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Point taken. Her mom definitely needed super vision when her daughter was with that wretched next-door kid! :)

      Delete
  5. I hope these stories will make a large book someday; lol on this one as usual. You are an amazing story teller. Thanks and blessings for this one~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would so love to compile them into a book! Thank you!

      Delete
  6. I should think the fact they itched would get you out of having to wear them. Did Laurie learn not to follow you in everything?
    My entire early childhood I only had white cotton panties, when I grew up and started buying my own I had every colour in the rainbow. No white.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See? You get it!
      No. Laurie stayed my shadow until we moved back out to the ranch. I'm sure her mom breathed a sigh of relief!

      Delete
  7. Oh that is so hilarious! I can just picture it now! Of course I would have been the friend who got into trouble. Mom was always trying to stick me into those horrible dresses (must have been the only girl with four brothers thing). She didn't understand that jeans were necessary for climbing, running or anything else I wanted to do at the time. I started hiding another outfit in our treehouse very early. Most girls hide short skirts and such I hid jeans and sneakers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally with you on the whole jeans and sneakers thing. Sometime I'll tell you about picture day in grade one! :)

      Delete
  8. Ok, I'm snorting now! Soooo funny!

    ReplyDelete

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