Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Santa's Secret

The truth behind the beard...
Husby and I come from a long line of designated drivers.
Generations of teetotalers.
It works for us . . .
Husby also spends the month leading up to Christmas dressed in red and sounding jolly.
These two facts go together.
Perhaps I should explain . . .
Santa lives at the North Pole.
Where it’s cold.
His wearing of red velvet and fur is out of necessity.
Here in Edmonton, Alberta, though it gets bone-snappingly cold outside, Santa’s helpers – like my husby - inevitably end up sitting in a warm room. Surrounded by hundreds of overheated people. And in very close contact with those people’s kiddies.
Let’s put it this way: The red suit absorbs more than ambiance.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Simply throw it into the nearest washing machine!
And that would be a great idea.
Except for the fur.
Fur and/or water and/or detergent don’t do well together. Just FYI.
And sometimes there is a long drought between dry-cleanings.
Sigh.
Now the need for some sort of odor-eater is most apparent just after Santa finishes a ‘gig’, when Santa and Mrs. are stuck in a warm car together for the entire ride home.
Sometimes it is a long ride.
On one such ride, our daughter (also closely closeted with us) mentioned a solution that the theatre costume authorities here in Edmonton use. They call it ‘French Dry-Cleaning’.
1 part Vodka and 1 part Water. Mix the two and spray all nasty odours away. "And it works!" she said, holding her nose. "It de-scents the unwashable!"
There was only one problem.
Our household did not have any vodka. (See above.)
Being people of the moment, we stopped in to the nearest liquor store and Santa girded up his suspenders and headed inside.
A quick question to the proprietor and he was walking down an aisle and procuring the cheapest bottle of vodka in the store.
Happily, he joined the queue at the checkout.
Let me describe: Man in an overcoat, paying for two bottles of whiskey.
Another, younger man, buying a couple of cases of beer.
A woman purchasing wine.
And Santa, clutching his bottle of vodka.
He looked up.
And realized that all eyes were on him.
Smiling, rather self-consciously, he said, “I know how this looks . . .”
The man at the front of the queue promptly responded, “No. Looks pretty natural to me!”
Ha! Ever wondered how Santa makes it through the holidays?
You heard it here.




19 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Outside, it was great. I can't vouch for the inside . . .

      Delete
  2. Huge smile here, Diane! I think the lesson here is two-fold: vodka and water removes clothing odours, and if we ever see Santa in incriminating circumstances, we should give him the benefit of the doubt :)

    I love your photo - Santa's eyes cast toward the Mrs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly, Jenny! A Santa with a bottle in a paper bag is only making sure his outfit smells fresh . . .
      Yeah. He spends a lot of time making eyes at the Mrs. :)

      Delete
  3. Yeah, that's pretty much how I get through the holiday season too . . . well . . . minus the santa suit, that is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahahahaha! Just think how things would be if you added the suit . . .

      Delete
  4. Vodka and water?? Good tip. Or you could make the costumes with detachable fur bits so they could be washed. There's all kinds of options: buttons, velcro, press studs. Fiddly, but do-able.
    You both look great in velvet and fur!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had experimented with that - the snapping on and off. I may try it again. The hard part's getting the snaps on the leather . . .

      Delete
    2. Take the leather to a bootmaker and get the snaps put on?

      Delete
  5. More Santa stories please! Love them...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'd never heard of the vodka trick, but it sounds like a good one! And yes, I can imagine Santa in the liquor store clutching his cheap vodka...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The picture comes up far too easily! :)

      Delete
  7. I never heard of that idea but hey whatever works for those long rides home! I'm the same as you, the only alcohol you will find in my house is of the rubbing variety!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm . . . I wonder what would happen if I simply sprayed him?!
      Kindred spirits, Rena. So to speak . . .

      Delete
  8. #JUSOFONII Great story! But ya know, Santa would have to be the one to get the booze at the Claus home. The Mrs. is too much of a lady and the elves would be constantly carded... ; )

    ReplyDelete
  9. So - I can't help but wonder if Santa then smelled like a drunk? Oh wait - is vodka odorless?! Love the photo!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh my, I could just picture it all. You didn't say whether the formula for odor worked.
    Blessings for the chuckles on this one!

    ReplyDelete

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