These are truths I’ve come to know
As through Life I’ve chanced to go.
A better time you will have too.
If, from these facts, you do accrue . . .
The first: you cannot baptize cats,
Don’t argue, just accept the fact.
If Mom and Dad, a spat have shared,
Never let Mom brush your hair.
If Sister hits, then don’t hit back,
You will get blamed for the attack.
Though with faith he seems imbued,
Don’t trust your dog to watch your food.
Unless you want a style with ‘flair’,
Don’t sneeze while someone cuts your hair.
When holding cats, to avoid the welts,
Leave the vacuum somewhere else.
If brother is a three-year-old,
A tomato’s not for him to hold.
White shorts look good, but people stare
At polka-dotted underwear.
And when you‘re sad as sad can be,
The best place is on Gramma’s knee.
And as I’ve aged, my wisdom’s grown,
My chickens from the nest have flown.
But as an elder, I’ve learned more,
Take heed, here’s what you have in store.
Raising teenagers, you’ll agree,
S’like nailing jelly to a tree.
Those wrinkles, although clearly there.
Are painless. Just so you’re aware.
Those oaks that you see standing ‘round,
Were once a nut that held its ground.
If jogging’s what you like to do,
Then laugh. You’ll jog the inside, too.
And cereal somewhat kills the joy,
When picked for fibre. Not the toy.
So there. That’s it. It’s all I’ve got.
I know it’s really not a lot.
But if you want to silly be.
Try these, and you’ll be just like me.