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Daughter of Ishmael by Diane Stringam Tolley

Daughter of Ishmael

by Diane Stringam Tolley

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Thursday, March 26, 2015

EmBAREassed


I like to swim.
It’s the one exercise during which nothing hurts.
And at my age, that’s an enormous plus.
I don’t go as often as I used to, but still try to make it three times a week.
And work hard while I’m there.
It’s a matter of efficiency . . .
I also have a rather distinctive swimming suit. Made it myself.
It’s . . . modest. Something really, really necessary as I age and my body slowly succumbs to gravity and certain parts need more and more control to keep them . . . controlled.
A few days ago, I was working my hardest. Plowing through the water like a determined hippo. (And those things can move! Just FYI.)
I noticed the lifeguard, occasionally. Guarding life.
When I finished and showered, and was donning footwear and packing up in the front foyer, I noticed said lifeguard coming toward me at flank speed.
He obviously had something to say.
To me.
Immediately, my mind leapt to different scenarios: He wanted to hire me to teach swimming. He was so amazed at my prowess that he wanted to sign me up for the upcoming swim meet – senior’s class. He wanted me to take the job as coach and trainer for the local swim team. He . . .
“Um, Ma’am? Are you the one who was wearing the blue-striped swimsuit?”
He wanted me to make him one of my special, discloses nothing, swimsuits! I smiled. “Yes?”
“You have a big hole in the backside of your suit.”
Oh.

22 comments:

  1. Oh NO! The best laid plans..... I have to admit I laughed out loud though :)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someday, I'm going to laugh out loud. Someday . . . :)

      Delete
  2. Ack! Gasp! How awkward! That IS an awesome bathing suit, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why, thank you! It has been the subject of a couple of posts now . . .

      Delete
  3. Was it Elvis who sang: 'Let's go on a MOON-light swim?'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do hope that's not what he meant! :)

      Delete
  4. Oh, no! My friend made her own suit and went water skiing and... well, hand sewn items don't do well with that kind of water pressure. The whole thing fell completely apart, and she was entirely naked!

    I still think your suit looks nice, though. Perhaps a patch?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yikes! Note to self: Avoid water skiing!

      Delete
  5. Diane--Hilarious story. This is the sort of thing that usually happens to me, so it was delightful to hear of someone else emBAREassed.

    How about a mile or so of duct tape wound around the whole circumference? That would be quite fetching.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm . . . duct tape. I like how you think!

      Delete
  6. LOLOL #JUSOFONII Glad BB's not alone in these types of scenarios. BB2U

    ReplyDelete
  7. Truly embarrassing. But that said, I want one of those bathing suits! I have dreamed about something like that for years. I will pay a pretty penny. Fun post.

    Anita

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Oh".Ha Ha Oh indeed! nice of him to let you know though, now you can applique a nice big daisy over it.
    I'd love a cover up swimsuit like that if I was still swimming, but I've given it up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A daisy! Good idea. Of course, I'm not sure what it would look like fom a distance . . . or close up for that matter.

      Delete
  9. Oh no! I can't help it but this had me cracking up! It sounds like something that would happen to me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can still remember your fight between swimming suit and surf, Rena. You win.

      Delete

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Diane was born and raised on one of the last of the great old Southern Alberta ranches. A way of life that is fast disappearing now. Through her memories and stories, she keeps it alive. And even, at times, accurate . . .

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