Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



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Thursday, August 6, 2015

Freezing Dracula

We just got a new freezer. Upright because we're no long able to stand on our heads to reach for things in the bottom of the good old 38 year-old chest style. And also because said chest style no longer froze things. 
A technicality, but an important one. 
I was reminded of my first freezer. The one my parents had from the time I was small . . .
Admit it - this strikes terror into your heart!
Mom and dad had a freezer.
Chest style. 26 cubic feet.
Whatever that means.
To me, that just meant that it was large.
They had had this behemoth since they were married.
It had far outlived its 'best before' date.
Oh, it still froze anything and everything that was put into it.
It just didn't stay closed anymore.
Let me tell you about it . . .
Mom and Dad's freezer, aptly named 'Frigidaire', sat in solitary glory, in the downstairs bathroom.
In a space created especially for it.
Beside the shower cubicle. And across from the 'porcelain throne'.
For years, it had been humming busily along, doing . . . freezer stuff. Keeping cold things cold. And slowly filling with ice.
Every couple of years, Mom would take out whatever food was left in it, stack it all neatly aside, and attack the ice build up with an ice pick and a butter knife.
Then, she'd scrub it shiny, replace the food and start the whole cycle over again.
It was fun to watch.
Okay, yes, I probably should have helped, but why deprive Mom of something she so obviously enjoyed?
Well, that she appeared to enjoy . . .
Okay, I should have helped.
Geeze.
One thing of note: when one closed the freezer, one had to be very careful to push the handle in till it clicked, or in the middle of the night, or some other equally inconvenient time, the door would open. All by itself.
With scary amusing results.
One afternoon, the house was quiet.
Too quiet.
I was in the bathroom . . . minding my own business.
Without warning, the lid of the freezer opened.
With an appropriately eerie squeal.
Eeeeeeeeeeee . . .!
Now, my head knew that Dracula never really existed, except in the brilliant mind of Bram Stoker. And certainly, if he did exist, the last place he would appear would be in an old freezer.
In the middle of the bathroom of the Stringam ranch house.
By no stretch of the imagination would that be . . . romantic. (Does that word work here?)
But, no matter how frantically and reasonably my head was whispering all of this to my heart, my heart was still expecting Count Dracula to sit up, in all his dark majesty, maybe with a touch of real frost in his dark hair, and say, “Good evening!”
My business of the moment forgotten, I charged out of the bathroom, frantically zipping my pants as I flew.
Once in the family room, I stopped.
Sanity returned.
And I started to laugh.
And laugh.
I went upstairs and told my Mom.
She laughed.
One by one, we told it to every member of the family.
They all thought it was a huge joke.
Okay, we're weird.
I did remember to go back into the bathroom and latch the freezer properly.
Later.
And every time thereafter.
But now, years later, whenever I see a glistening white freezer, I half expect the door to open and to see Dracula sit up and smile menacingly at me.
It still makes me want to . . . mind my own business.

23 comments:

  1. And a new euphemism for events in the loo is created.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A normal that was a very fun story! Thanks for the LOL; Hugs~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, LeAnn! So glad you enjoyed it!

      Delete
  3. Oh Diane, you made me laugh so hard with this one!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It seems entirely appropriate that a cold hearted monster should live in the freeze.
    Love it. Brilliant story.

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    Replies
    1. I agree! And the touch of frost in the hair? Real is best...

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  5. Still standing on our heads over here lol. Mom and Dad had the giant freezer as well. It lived n the summer kitchen of the farmhouse along wih the mice. It was sold in the farm sale and the folks got a slightly smaller one for the new place. Those women could keep the big freezer full to the top.....I can see it now if I close my eyes....the half beef and half pig...a few chickens...bagged veggies, frozen raw pies and bags of sliced apples...oh we ate good all right lol.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ps.....meant to tell you, I ordered your new book. Can't wait.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm so excited to have you read it! I've also published a book of my poems. You need to read the dedication! :)

      Delete
    2. I've found it and I have it on my Kindle. What a lovely dedication and imagine my surprise when about half way through I found my name again. I'm so glad you published your poems. Any chance it will come out in paper form?

      Delete
    3. It should be available now in paper form. Somewhere there on Amazon . . .

      Delete
  7. I remember tipping myself into the freezer. Whenever I asked hubby what he would like for dinner, he'd mention something that was waaaay down the bottom. So od course I'd lean waaaay in and down at which point he'd walk past and say "nice view". Hmpf. They may be more economical to run, but I prefer an upright freezer.
    Dracula huh? Always wondered where he lived when he wasn't in movies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He obviously prefers to vacation somewhere cold...

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  8. "It still makes me want to . . . mind my own business."

    Hahahahahaha! yes indeedy :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nice post, things explained in details. Thank You.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I would have run screaming out the door probably!

    ReplyDelete

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