Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Friday, December 4, 2015

10 Tricks to Surviving the Family

Grandma’s House Rules
by Grandpa

The holiday season is fast approaching. A time of family get-togethers and, hopefully, fun family times.
Hopefully.
We'll start with a . . . 
Disclaimer
Parents are responsible for their own children while at Grandma’s house. Grandpa and Grandma used to be responsible – but they’re not anymore.

Toys
1.  All toy trucks with sirens are forbidden – alarmed neighbours keep running out to see if Grandpa has run over their cat.
2.  All musical toys are also forbidden. The national anthem of the Tolley house is not “Turkey in the Straw.”
3.  “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” is not on the list either.

Food
4.  All treats for grandchildren are under Grandpa’s control. He’ll share with you as soon as the release him from the psyche ward, which will be when he stops humming “Turkey in the Straw.”
5.  Food prepared at Grandma’s house is made with TLC. Despite what Grandpa puts in it.
6.  At Grandma’s house the “best before” date on her food expires in two hours. Food ingested but not swallowed before this time will not be recycled.

Diapers
7.  Soiled diapers cause leprosy. All carriers shall be banished immediately to the leper colony at the end of the hallway.
8.  All soiled diapers shall immediately be wrapped securely in a plastic bag and placed on the front porch for eventual transport to the garbage can. Most grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first.
9.  Reusable cloth diapers soiled for longer than one day before washing shall be sold as fuel to the nearest nuclear power plant or placed in a rocket and shot into the sun.
10.  No pooping under the dining room table, even if you are wearing a diaper. This means you, too, Grandpa.

You can thank us after the holidays.

7 comments:

  1. Methinks Grandpa had to change or otherwise deal with one too many diapers lately. That being said, and being a Grandma myself, those rules look extremely reasonable to me :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. An eminently reasonable set of rules.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Going to print these off for my future grandchildren!

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Most grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first."
    Most??

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think I need to post this on my front door this year! I seem to be cornering the market in soiled diapers since they come 2 at a time around here!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Too funny! Love the disclaimer.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've never heard Turkey in the Straw - looks like I might not be missing out on anything!

    ReplyDelete

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