Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Saturday, January 14, 2017

Unbuttoned

Okay, it looks kind of neat on movies or TV.
In reality?
A little more dangerous.
Perhaps you remember the story (stories) of Superman in which mild mannered Clark Kent tears his shirt off and becomes the wondrous Man of Steel?
It always looked so—effortless. And tidy.
Well, I am a witness to shirt ripping and it is anything but.
Maybe I should explain . . .
Husby had a favourite shirt that was getting rather threadbare.
And needing to be retired.
Now, in the home of my parents, the retiring of a shirt was almost a ceremony.
Buttons snipped off and neatly stored.
Collar stays fished out; ditto.
Anything operational cannibalized for possible future use.
Then the remaining scraps relegated to the rag bag.
All while soft music was being played and/or a choir hummed quietly in the background.
Okay, I made up the part about the music, but the rest is true.
Now, fast forward to my house. And Husby’s threadbare shirt.
“That shirt needs to be thrown out,” I said.
“I love this shirt!”
“I can see right through it.”
Now many of you may think that is a good thing.
And it would be. Except that the places I could see through were things like: underarms. Front button plackets.
I’m sorry, but there is little that is sexy about underarms. Or front button plackets.
True story.
Husby sighed.
Thinking the conversation was over and agreed to, I started to leave the room, heading for my snips and the button box.
And that is when Husby hunched forward, tearing the shirt up the back, then grabbed the front and shredded it apart.
Buttons shot everywhere at the speed of sound, one of them narrowly missing me.
For a moment, the two of us looked at each other as the sound of bouncing buttons died away.
“Or we could do it like that,” I said.
Now I don’t know about you, but whenever I saw Superman do the same thing, no one mentioned flying buttons.
No one.
I think our hyper vigilant protective agencies should be informed.
Insurance rates are gonna rise.

17 comments:

  1. HAHAHA! I love it!

    My husband has had a number of shirts like that, mostly of the t-shirt variety. Let's just say that if it had been me (female) wearing them, I would likely be arrested. He finally gave a few of them up a year ago. And is holding onto others with a death grip. Our husbys may be related somehow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well we are, Jenny! I'm sure our Husbys are connected somehow as well! :)

      Delete
  2. I suspect that hanging on to clothes for years after they have died is imprinted on the male chromosone. Rather a lot of them live here with us.
    Sometimes cutting off the buttons is the only way I can stop him wearing it. It goes back into the cupboard though unless I am sneaky and vigilant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can just see the buttonless ghosts of happy days past hanging silently in your cupboard. I think there's a poem in there somewhere . . .

      Delete
  3. A good many of Supermans enemies were disposed of by flying shirt buttons. True story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew it!!! Those are the stories you don't hear . . .

      Delete
  4. Superman's shirts were fastened with press studs, the buttons were decorative only and sewn onto the outside placket where buttonholes would normally be.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "Now I don’t know about you, but whenever I saw Superman do the same thing, no one mentioned flying buttons." Ha! I'll never look at superman the same way ever again.

    ReplyDelete
  6. My hubby is more partial to T-shirts. No buttons but there is at least a three major hole minimum before he will consider no longer wearing it. As for those dangerous buttons - too funny, envisioning this! Alana ramblinwithamblogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Watch for those buttons!
      Husby also had a thing for T-shirts. A basketball player, he and his teammates would watch for holes in T-shirts worn by fellow players. They would hook a finger into a T-shirt hole just as their other teammate would start into a layup. Needless to say, the shirt remained. The player didn't.

      Delete
  7. Funny!! Love that your husband did that himself! Brenda

    ReplyDelete
  8. What the heck is a placket anyway??
    Superman

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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