Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Devil's Delivery

Before. 30-year-old kitchen
Today. Sigh.
 The work on our new kitchen continues.
But now all the cuboards are gone. And my sink.
But I have hope that all will--one day--be renewed.
So, because this is a busy week, I thought I'd revisit Bruce and Clara. My two most unlikely sweethearts.
Oops . . . spoilers . . .


My son works for Fed-Ex.
This is for him . . .

“Ma’am, would you be so kind as to . . .” I got no further.
The large woman seated behind the desk surged to her feet and pointed a plump, shaking finger at me. “Insubordination!” she shrieked.
I felt my eyes widen. I took a step back. “Ex-excuse me?”
“You miserable excuse for a man!” Her voice became even shriller. “What do you mean by coming here at this hour?!” She shot a telling glance at the nearby clock.
“I . . . what?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I see retribution for you! I see despair and a plethora of demons just waiting to grasp you in their claws and pull you down to where you will be properly inducted into those halls from which the wicked forever burn and never escape!”
I blinked and looked around, then indicated myself questioningly.
The finger came out again. “Yes, you! Demon-spawn!” She waved her hand, indicating the spotless corridors that lead off in every direction. “Watch and beware. The demons are preparing as we speak. Your time is at hand!”
I glanced rather nervously to the right and left. “Demons? C-claws? But I only . . .”
“Speak not! You will only seal your fate!”
“Seal my . . . but I came to . . .”
“Silence!” the voice had become a shrieking siren of sound. The small, watery, piercing eyes glanced down at my hands. “Hold! What do you carry there?”
I lifted an almost-forgotten package. “I . . . um . . .”
“Is it a potion? A talisman? Something from your master?”
“I . . . master? Well, actually, yes.”
“Give it to me little man! Before I set the denizens of hell upon you!”
“Ummm . . . here.”
She pounced, holding the seized package up and peering at it closely.
I lifted the clipboard in my other hand. “Erm . . . you’ll have to sign here. And here.”
“Ooh! It’s my samples from the museum!” The woman poked out a thick tongue and licked rubbery lips which had curved into the semblance of a smile. Then she grabbed a pen and scribbled next to my finger. “There! Thanks, Bruce! Next time, don’t be late!”
“See you tomorrow, Clara.” 

6 comments:

  1. LOL, oh how I love the way your mind works. Don't always understand it, but I sure do love it (and the way it keeps me laughing).

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Unlikely sweethearts" doesn't even begin to describe that relationship!!

    You know those 30-year-old cupboards you had? We have the identical set in our kitchen . . . we built in 1988. Good luck with the reno! We went through one of those at our previous house. Cooked in an electric frypan and a toaster oven for weeks :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Punctuality is everything it seems...
    Good luck on the kitchen front. Over a decade after we did ours I still sometimes reach for things in their 'old spot'.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So funny! Can't wait to see the end result of the kitchen makeover!

    ReplyDelete
  5. That 30 year old kitchen looks perfect compared to what I have to work with.
    Bruce and Clara are a bit too weird for me this week.

    ReplyDelete
  6. your kitchen is no longer a kitchen - I think it's lovely you found something to distract yourself with.

    ReplyDelete

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