Mystery Meat

Mmmmmm . . .

Every family has customs at Christmas.

Some are fun.

Some funny.

Some weird.

Our family has several that fit into this last category.

One is Christmas stockings.

Okay, yes, I know that many, many families enjoy the custom of stuffing a stocking for each family member.

It's what goes into said stockings that sets our family apart.

Maybe I should explain . . .

On Christmas, after the kids have been shuttled off to bed, Mom and Dad (alias Santa) bring out the loot.

Erm . . . gifts.

Each stocking is laid out and stuffed full.

I look after the common, everyday, run-of-the-mill gifts:

1.Toothbrushes.

2. Socks.

3. Underwear.

4. The orange in the toe.

My Husby looks after the strange and bizarre:

1. Various styles of catapults.

2. Magnets.

3. Quirky -- ie. strange – books, puzzles and games.

4. Expanding T-shirts. Just add water.

5. And little tins of meat.

I know what you're thinking.

Why on earth would someone give his kids catapults.

You weren't?

My mistake.

Sooo . . . tinned meats.

Every year, each of our children found a tin of . . . something . . . stuffed into the inner reaches of his or her stocking.

And I'm not talking tuna fish here.

These were tins of something fancifully called: Vienna sausage.

In various flavours.

All neatly and brightly and attractively packaged.

And yes, I realize that there may be people around the world who love Vienna sausage.

My kids were raised on the prairie.

And served beef three meals a day.

With the occasional foray into the world of chicken or pork.

If the animal didn't originally bellow, oink or cluck, they regarded it with deep suspicion.

Or outright revulsion.

Okay, the ingredients listed on the Vienna sausage tins said: beef and/or chicken and/or pork and/or meat.

But it was mechanically de-boned and mixed with . . . other stuff.

So in the words of my kids, mystery meat.

Need I say that my Husby's gifts weren't received with gladness?

Probably not.

Oh, they tried it.

The very first year.

It . . . wasn't popular.

No tin was every willingly opened again.

And when the detritus had been cleared from the front room after the all-important opening of the gifts, the only things remaining were several tins of meat.

Left where they had been dropped upon being discovered.

Husby immediately scooped them up and stowed them carefully away.

Only to bring them out and drop them into another stocking the next year.

One particular tin of sausage re-appeared six years in a row.

The last year in Argentina, where our youngest son was living at the time.

His roommate ate it.

Something we didn't think was possible.

One of our kids asked their father why he kept putting those little tins of -to them- inedible meat in the stockings.

His answer surprised all of us.

“Because I want you to appreciate that we live in a place where we have plenty. That tiny tins of mystery meat can be laughed over and disregarded. We are very blessed.”

We truly are.