Spiders and I get along very well.
As long as there is space between us.
Lots and lots of space.
When I can see them ‘over there’. And I’m quite sure when
they can see me ‘equally over there’.
Perhaps we could call it a mutual respect? Reverence?
Esteem?
Nope, I think ‘aversion’ fits in here quite well . . .
When I was in grade seven, my seat was the last in the row
next to the windows.
As far from the teacher as I could be and still be
considered ‘in’ the class.
On this sunny day, a large spider had been happily parked in
his web high up in the window closest to my desk. For a reason known only to
his tiny little spider brain, he decided it was time to leave said window, travel
down the wall and begin a journey across the floor.
Now, up to this point, my
eyes had been glued to the little eight-legged cretin. That whole ‘over there’ scenario
(see above).
But just as he reached the
floor and started to cross between me and the student in front of me, the
teacher asked me a question.
Requiring my attention.
Really?
You’ve been ignoring me this whole morning and you ask a question now?!
It was a dilemma. Fear of
the teacher vs fear of the spider.
Hmmm . . . that’s a toughie.
I decided on the half-way
approach. One eye on each.
Yeah. It didn’t work.
I gave a bit too much
attention to the teacher and lost sight of my busy little friend.
Partway through my answer,
something touched my leg.
I am not making this up.
My brain equated said touch
as ATTACK OF THE DEADLY SPIDER!!! EVERY MAN (or woman) FOR THEMSELVES!!!
I leaped up out of my chair
and did a week’s worth of cardio in only four seconds, to the amusement of my
fellow students and astonishment of the teacher. Finally, seeing no spider, I
returned to my senses.
And my seat.
The spider never appeared.
I figure that means one of the following scenarios:
1. My impromptu tarantella flung the little monster
to the far side of the sun.
2. He was never on my leg. Which also raises the
question: What—or who—touched me?
3. Spiders don’t exist and are merely little brain
aberrations. (Preferred.)
Which do you choose? And what scares you?
P.S. I also have a little ceremony in which I shake out my
shoes before putting them on. You never know where those sneaky little beggers
will be hiding.
I firmly believe that spiders should have to wear a bell. I'd be far less afraid of them if I heard them coming.
ReplyDeleteOooh! I like that!
DeleteMy house and yard is a spider mecca for some reason. In the yard I am fine but in the house they are invaders. Last week there was one on my bedroom ceiling the size of a Buick! Last year I had 2 spider bites and my husband 4 years ago had a spider bite that swelled his ankle that he had to seek medical help. Oh they exist and they are evil invaders!
ReplyDeleteGahhh! I think I saw that same buick spider running across the entryway rug. Ugh.
DeleteI've been fine with spiders ever since I read up on the ones we have here and found they are harmless and also that they eat other bugs that are considered pests. BUT. If we had poisonous ones, or anything bigger than my thumbnail, I'd be panicking right next to you. And I always, always shake out my gardening gloves because they are stored in the garage, which is spider paradise.
ReplyDeleteI'm fine with them. As long as they are doing their spider service outside. Far from me. It's when they get up close and personal . . .
DeleteI'm not bad with spiders but flying insects are another matter altogether.
ReplyDeleteMy roommate, Debbie also floated that boat. It sank several times. (Remind me to tell you about her and moths . . .)
DeleteMy house is a spider magnet. I've had a couple of spider bites where I came close to needing medical attention, and I don't want to think about being bitten by a poisonous one. Don't like them. I would have been dancing alongside you.
ReplyDeleteUgh. If we draw a line, will they stay on their side?
DeleteLogic dictates option #1, but option #2 raises much more interesting questions.
ReplyDeleteHmmm . . . true.
DeleteI'm not too bad with spiders ... for some reason I call them Fred!!!
ReplyDeleteI just can't remember when this all started, but I do know that when the kids were growing up and saw a spider ... they used to call ' Mum, Fred's come to see us, can you move him please' and I always did
Funny how things go sometimes!
All the best Jan
Maybe naming him make him a little less scary? I've had to move many a spider--for my kids' sake. Amazing how brave you can be with your little ones watching!
DeleteThe only good spider is a dead spider. Not original, but heartfelt.
ReplyDeleteHeartfelt here, too, Mark! :)
DeleteThe last house I lived in had a collection of spiders under my deck. Don't know why they loved that deck so much but they did. The Cat Spiders didn't bother me much but I cut a wide swath with the Black Widow that hovered next to the wall of the house.
ReplyDelete