Friday, August 23, 2019

Spilt Milk

This post may or may not be described as 'icky'.

Sorry.
Yummy deliciousness. Not.
Milk. That commodity touted as one of the world’s most perfect foods. So important to growing bones and teeth. Or so it was described in the 50’s.
Like other ranching families, the Stringams had their own milk production system.
Bossy.
Not an original name, but at least it gave her a slight distinctive edge over 53. And 175. And 92. And . . . you get the picture.
Bossy was gentle. Quiet. Dependable. Everything a milk cow should be. Her milk production was high. Higher than most dairy cows. For that reason, she had been a family fixture for many years.
She also had a problem. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Every morning Dad, or one of the hired men, would carry home a galvanized steel pail filled with warm, rich, frothy milk, compliments of Bossy. This milk was then poured through a straining cloth into another pail and ‘purified’, then poured into sterilized jars.
The jars of still-warm milk were distributed to the various households on the ranch. Bossy was truly a remarkable cow to fill the needs of so many.
In the evening, the same procedure was repeated, only the captured milk was poured through the separator and the resultant thick, rich cream used for such remarkable things as ice cream, cream puffs, pastries, and many other treats aptly designed to satisfy the sweet tooth of every child - and most of the adults - living there.
The milk from which the cream had been removed, or ‘blue’ (skim) milk was given to the pigs, who thought they were in heaven.
It was a prefect system. Not a drop wasted.
Then the milk . . . changed.
At first, Dad thought the cow had gotten into a patch of weeds. Not an unknown thing on any ranch. The result of such a change in diet usually reflected, quickly but briefly, in the milk.
Onions make for a really . . . interesting . . . milk flavour. But I digress . . .
For some time, the milk continued to taste strange. But the processes remained the same. The milk was distributed. Separated. Consumed.
Then the rebellions started. Small at first.
“Mom, this milk tastes icky (real word)!”
“You’re imagining things, dear. Drink it.”
“Mom, it stinks!”
“Drink!”
Then larger.
“Mom if I have to drink one more glass of that milk, I’m going to be sick!”
“You need the calcium! Now drink!”
Mom was not unaware that the milk was distinctly off. But she was very concerned about giving her growing family the nutrition they needed.
Occasionally, she would bring home a container of milk from the store.
Which disappeared. Magically.
And also coined another phrase. “I’m going to stop buying this milk! You kids just drink it!”
Ummmm . . .
Finally, Mom got to the point where, if anyone complained about the milk, she would taste it, smack her lips appreciatively and say, “What’s wrong with that milk? There’s nothing wrong with that milk! It tastes just fine!”
As time passed, she got more and more creative in trying to get the horrible stuff past our pre-adolescent taste buds. She put it into puddings. Soups. Desserts.
And still we whined.
Then that glorious day. Dad went out to milk . . . and found the cow dead.
Really dead.
Hardware disease. Not uncommon and distinctly nasty.
Poor Bossy.
Our celebrations could be heard in Lethbridge.
An autopsy revealed what the rest of us had suspected for three long years. That the cow had something seriously wrong.
She had, some time while grazing, ingested a piece of metal and it had become lodged in her system, affecting her milk production. Eventually, it had worked its way through something important internally, and had been the cause of her death. Now you have to know that my Dad was a vet and, through the years, had given her every available test to see just what was wrong. And she remained bright-eyed and shiny-coated right to the bitter (I use this word intentionally) end.
Some things you just can't see...
There was no grieving.
Dad bought a new cow. A healthy, young one. And the ‘milk distribution system’ resumed as though it had never been interrupted.
With one important change. Whenever any of us was given a glass of milk, we would sniff it suspiciously. Even forty-five years after the described events.
Old habits die hard.
Kind of like our cow.


There is a codicil.
Years later, when my family and I were attending my parents 40th wedding anniversary, my children and I performed a skit. They were seated around a picnic table and I poured each of them an imaginary glass of milk, which they then ‘drank’.
Clutching their throats, each then succumbed to the terrible poison that had been ingested. Gasping out their last breaths, one by one, they collapsed onto the grass beneath the table, twitched a few times, then lay still. I picked up one of the imaginary glasses, pretended to take a drink, smacked my lips and said, “What’s wrong with that milk? There’s nothing wrong with that milk! It tastes just fine!”
At which point my eldest brother leaped to his feet and shouted, “IT DID! IT TASTED THAT BAD!!!”
Spill this milk. Please.

19 comments:

  1. Mom's are great actors, but our taste buds do not lie!

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    1. Truth! It didn't matter how much Nestle Quick we put in that milk. It still tasted AWFUL!

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  2. Hilarious skit! I hope your mom found it funny too!

    Poor Bossy - but hopefully she wasn't suffering all along. A quick death is a mercy.

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    1. Actually...Mom hated that skit. It wasn't until after she had left us to go home that we were able to tell this story! Poor, poor Mom! <3

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  3. This is great! I cannot even begin to imagine what that milk must have tasted like! Gag!!!!

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  4. Poor Bossy. And your poor Mother.
    I have only once had milk 'fresh from the cow' and it is a completely different thing to that which comes from the store.

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    1. It is completely different! I never could be induced to drink it still warm. But it was (normally) delicious freshly chilled!

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  5. Poor Bossy. Sounds like she gave her all until cruel fate stepped in. I can't imagine how good her milk was before her accident. Never had milk that fresh.

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    1. She really did give her all. What fooled my Dad was how healthy she always appeared. Eating. And drinking. And doing...cow stuff. He just couldn't figure it out!
      There's absolutely nothing like fresh milk!

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  6. I was the one who had to milk that cow. It's pretty bad when the cats wouldn't go near it. I remember sliding the lid off the cake pan and being rewarded with a stench that would gag a buzzard. Mom grew up during the depression where choices were few and you did with what you had...

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    1. You definitely know something is up when the cats disappear! I remember her exclaiming over that horrifying milk, "I've got to get calcium into you kids!"

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  7. You all drank tainted milk for three years??? This makes me glad I have an intolerance and don't drink milk at all, not by the glassful anyway. I can tolerate a small amount in my breakfast porridge and in my coffee. The occasional double-flavoured milkshake in summer. That's it.

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  8. Oh the irony, today everybody drinks this blue milk, wonder whether the pigs are given cream or just normal milk ...
    I love milk-from-the-cow (via the fridge, please), but as I'm intolerant to lactose, I can only get extra-blue milk here. And cream, lovely cream :)

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  9. How forward-thinking we were to give our pigs the healthy choice! ;) I don't think I'd survive without cream!

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