 |
| Daddy, Big Brother George. And me. I'm the one in the curlers... |
Near Misses:
1. When I was just two, Bobby the Cow (the queen of the
barnyard) and I had a disagreement. I lost. Turns out she hates children. Who
knew?
2. Did you know that mothers are capable of scaling a 100 foot
TV tower in mere seconds? They just need toddler-at-the-top motivation. True
story.
3. When butchering chickens, it’s probably best if
four-year-olds remain somewhere out of the picture. Chicken heads have been
known to cause varying degrees of trauma.
4. Chicken-traumatized children would also much rather wrestle 1500-pound
bulls than venture into the dreaded chicken house to retrieve eggs from underneath
3-pound bundles of nastiness.
5. Graduation from one’s pony to one’s brother’s spritely
gelding may not be all that wonderful. Though it may guarantee a medical emergency
ride on Dad’s amazing stallion.
6. When vaccinating calves, always remember the large crossbar
of the cattle squeeze. And remember, too, to always look up. Believe me, your
nose will thank you.
7. When crossing the barbed-wire fences on a ranch, long pants
and good balance are a necessity. Although impressive thigh-to-ankle scars make
for a good story…
8. Okay, this wasn’t me, but I heard and it’s still a good
lesson: Even from the distance of the house roof, don’t pee on the electric
fence.
9. When moving a cow herd across sideless bridges, make quite
sure there is a bull’s tail in the immediate vicinity. Your bones will bless
you. And it.
10. It’s important to note that even polled (hornless) cow heads
are capable of significant damage when they meet human heads. Just ask my traumatized
mother. Or me.
Word Counters is a monthly challenge from Karen at Baking in a Tornado and her gang.
Each of us submits a number and the lucky recipient uses that number to craft...something.
It's so fun!
This month, my number is 28 and it came from my awesome friend, Sarah at Writer Sarah Nolan
Hop on over and see what the others have done!
And now I fully appreciate the fact that we aren't just from different countries, but different planets.
ReplyDeleteBut I do love the visits! ;)
DeleteI'd love to spend a week on a farm like that, so different from Connecticut! They seem fascinating.
ReplyDeleteYou know the saying, 'Never a dull moment'? Yeah. That.
DeleteAnd I LOVE Connecticut!
This is nothing like growing up in New York City! I do know about #4, though my first experience with farm animals was at (I'm not making this up) the Bronx Zoo.
ReplyDeleteOooh! The Bronx Zoo! Someday...
DeleteI recognize some of these scenarios from your blog, but others I have either missed or you have yet to write about them! I continue to be amazed you are not only still alive but also still have an excellent brain :)
ReplyDeleteOooh! Thank you for thinking I have an excellent brain! I always wonder what my brain would have been like if it hadn't been traumatized. Repeatedly.
DeleteSorry about that, i hate when it hit enter by accident and i'm not done.
ReplyDeleteYou have lived quite an amazing life!
I do it too. Frequently!
DeleteI've loved my life. So many stories...
I can relate to several of these. I’d like to hear the full story on the others.
ReplyDeleteHeehee! I love little teasers. Especially when friends want to hear more! Score!
DeleteLike I said I don't know how your mother survived you hahaha! (Rena)
ReplyDelete