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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Grandma's House Rules

by Grant Tolley

Disclaimer
Parents are responsible for their own children while at Grandma’s House.  Grandpa and Grandma used to be responsible but they’re not any more.

Toys
All toy trucks with sirens are forbidden – the neighbours keep running out to see if I have run over their cat.  Again.

All musical toys are also forbidden.  The national anthem of the Tolley house is not “Turkey In The Straw.”

“Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” is not on the list either.

Food
All treats for grandchildren are under Grandpa’s control.  He’ll share with you as soon as they release him from the psych ward, which will be when he stops humming “Turkey In The Straw.”
  
Food prepared at Grandma’s house is made with TLC.  Despite what Grandpa puts in it.

At Grandma’s house the “best before” date on her food expires in two hours.  Food not swallowed before this time will not be recycled.

Diapers
Soiled diapers cause leprosy.  All pre-lepers shall be banished immediately to the leper colony at the end of the hallway.

All soiled disposable diapers shall be immediately wrapped securely in a plastic bag and placed on the front porch for eventual transport to the garbage can.  Most grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first.

Reusable cloth diapers soiled for longer than one day before washing shall be sold as fuel to the nearest nuclear power plant or placed in a rocket and shot into the sun.

No pooping under the dining room table, even if you are wearing a diaper.  This means you, too, Grandpa.

20 comments:

  1. Sensible rules all of them..... All soiled diapers that raise their ugly heads in this house are bagged and tagged and thrown outside immediately to be sent home with the transgressor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think your husby has covered all the bases. Annoying toys, eating, pooping. Yep!

    Oh my, how I used to mind the sirens on those toys! The only reason I don't mind them now is that we have none in our house. With a wedding in the near future, though, can siren-ed toys be far behind? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your days of siren-less toys are obviously numbered!

      Delete
  3. I've only got granddaughters (4--and 3/4 of which the kids are not divulging which it is yet) and I don't have to put up with much more than 'Papa, can you put that Fairy Game on the computer for me?' No, not that kind of fairy game. I do have one granddaughter who has discovered a file, out in Papa's shop. And consequently, I have to keep the shop locked up tight when the kids are down...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. George, are they not demanding to paint your toenails and do your hair yet? Just wait!

      Delete
  4. My daughter still reminds me of the clacker removed from a pull along toy and the "pop" disappearing from pop goes the weasle toys sent home by her other grandmother. I could not deal with them as a twenty something mother. My own mother knew better than to provide noisy toys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your mother should have written a toy-giving guide for other grandparents/Aunts/Uncles/Godparents/etc. who may be on the gift-giving list for your child. Sigh.

      Delete
  5. Ok this was a LOL one. Just as I wiped away my tears from your other post I am breaking up with a chuckle on this one.
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Words to live by...and to laugh by! Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Rachel! And what's life without laughter!

      Delete
  7. Most grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first. what's your criteria for throwing one out with the diaper?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm . . . good question. I suppose if it's a really nasty one, the temptation would be to just throw out and start over . . .? :)

      Delete
  8. whoa, don't mess with Grandma...and watch out for Grandpa.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I like your rules! Mind if I copy them?
    Love,
    Chris

    ReplyDelete

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