by Grant Tolley
Parents are responsible for their own children while at Grandma’s House. Grandpa and Grandma used to be responsible but they’re not any more.
All toy trucks with sirens are forbidden – the neighbours keep running out to see if I have run over their cat. Again.
All musical toys are also forbidden. The national anthem of the Tolley house is not “Turkey In The Straw.”
“Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” is not on the list either.
All treats for grandchildren are under Grandpa’s control. He’ll share with you as soon as they release him from the psych ward, which will be when he stops humming “Turkey In The Straw.”
Food prepared at Grandma’s house is made with TLC. Despite what Grandpa puts in it.
At Grandma’s house the “best before” date on her food expires in two hours. Food not swallowed before this time will not be recycled.
Soiled diapers cause leprosy. All pre-lepers shall be banished immediately to the leper colony at the end of the hallway.
All soiled disposable diapers shall be immediately wrapped securely in a plastic bag and placed on the front porch for eventual transport to the garbage can. Most grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first.
Reusable cloth diapers soiled for longer than one day before washing shall be sold as fuel to the nearest nuclear power plant or placed in a rocket and shot into the sun.
No pooping under the dining room table, even if you are wearing a diaper. This means you, too, Grandpa.