Phobias: Spiders - or - It's a Good Thing I Live in Canada.

Daddy, my brother and me.
No spiders were harmed in the taking of this picture.
But the area was scrutinized closely . . .

Spiders and I have always gotten along.

Provided they are on the opposite side of the room and in plain view so escape-age is entirely possible.

Or better yet, in an entirely different country.

Or planet.

Okay. Spiders and I don't get along.

It all started when I became conscious (ie. born) and lasted until . . . well . . . now.

As I grew, my persnickety-ness became more and more pronounced.

And pro-active.

I would carefully shake out each shoe before I put it on. (I had heard that people in scorpion-infested parts of the world do this regularly. I thought it a good idea.)

Check clothes and coat pockets with a flashlight.

All the usual things one could do while getting dressed.

Because you never knew just where those little beggers would be hiding.

Once, when I was sitting, minding my own business in seventh grade English, I saw a spider climbing down the wall next to me.

I kept a wary eye on it.

You never know – with spiders.

They're tricky.

It climbed slowly down.

Down.

And then scurried across the floor towards the person seated in front of me.

All senses were immediately put on alert.

A few minutes later, when something touched my leg, I leaped nearly seven feet into the air.

Truly.

It's a school record.

You can look it up.

And so it continues to this day.

I do put on a brave face for my children and grand children.

Unfortunately, it looks like the one I wear all of the time, just a little more . . . tense.

Teeth firmly clamped around bottom lip.

Knitted brows.

Sheen of sweat. Glowing slightly.

That sort of thing.

Evil world-destruction plotting spider is approached cautiously and swatted firmly with a fly swatter.

Then beaten unrecognizable with whatever is at hand.

Shoe.

Baseball bat.

I admit it.

Humane disposal and me and spiders don't fit into the same sentence.

Oh. Wait . . .

It's probably a good thing I live where I do, spiders here are teensy.

In Greece, they have been know to carry off pets and small animals and the occasional tourist.

True story. 

Remind me to tell you about it.