Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Monday, June 18, 2012

Tell-Tail Heart


Maybe it wouldn’t have been quite so bad if I hadn’t just finished reading Edgar Allen Poe’s “Telltale Heart”.
Maybe . . .
It had been a busy day.
Busy.
Our children, and our children’s children, had just left.
With six originals, plus spouses and offspring, that comes to quite a number.
I had collapsed into the couch for some well-deserved R & R.
After the noise from so many bodies, the silence was almost thick around me.
I laid my head back.
“Ahhhhh!”
I relaxed there for a few moments.
Hmmm.
Funny.
I could hear the sound of my heart beating.
I smiled.
Then frowned.
Wait.
I put one hand to my chest.
That couldn’t be my heart.
It was a different rhythm.
I sat up and looked around.
The sound was gone.
Weird.
I got up and listened.
Made a circuit of the room.
Nothing.
I must have imagined it.
I relaxed back on the couch again.
Laid my head back.
There it was!
The steady ca- thump, ca-thump of a heart.
Coming from . . . inside the couch.
My couch was haunted!
I leaped to my feet and went in search of my Husby.
He would be able to tell me that I was just imagining things.
That my furniture hadn’t really taken on a life of its own.
“Sit down, honey,” I directed.
“No. Right here.”
He sat down, eyeing me doubtfully.
“Now lean your head back.”
He did so, still keeping his eyes on me.
Then, those eyes widened.
He sat up and looked at the couch.
“You hear it, too?” I asked.
He nodded, still staring at the couch.
He leaned over again, putting one ear against the fabric.
“Huh,” he said. “I hear a heartbeat.”
“Is it a sign or something?” I asked.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking.
What on earth would a couch with a heartbeat be a sign of?
Humour me . . .
He shook his head. “There must be some explanation.”
“Well, you have to admit that it’s not every day you have furniture that develops . . . bodily functions,” I told him.
We took turns sitting on the couch and pressing our ears against the back.
Each time, we heard the steady thumping of a heart.
Stranger and stranger.
Our front door opened.
We both jumped.
It was our second son, returning to pick up something his family had forgotten.
“Erik! Come in here!”
We directed him to the couch.
“Sit here!”
We pushed him down.
“Now put your head against the back.”
He did so, thinking all the while that both of his parents had suddenly taken the last bend in the road before reaching the loonie bin.
Then he frowned. “It that . . .?”
He turned his head and pressed his ear against the couch.
He looked up at us. “It’s a heartbeat.”
“I know!” we said together. “Our couch has a heartbeat!”
He frowned and put his head down once more. “Yup. Definitely a heartbeat.”
He got up and started probing the cushions.
“Erik, what are you doing?” I suddenly had visions of him coming up with a bloody, beating heart grasped in one hand.
“Ah!” he said.
He pulled his hand out.
Clutching a soft, furry little lamb.
With cute little ears and a tiny little stub of a tail.
“I think this is your problem,” he said.
He put the lamb against my ear.
‘Ca-thump! Ca-thump!’
“Oh!” I said. I took the lamb from him. “Ummm . . . why does it have a heartbeat?” I asked stupidly.
I’m sure the rest of you have heard of these things, but I swear I had not . . .
“It’s supposed to be soothing to a new baby,” Erik said.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. You put it in the cradle. The baby’s used to the sound of a heartbeat. It soothes them.”
“Huh.”
He took it back and flipped a switch.
The beating sound stopped.
He laughed at the two of us staring down at the little lamb. Then he left.
Case solved.

21 comments:

  1. I discovered something very interesting about couches back when we were first married (no..not that); the legs of the couch will carry sound up from downstairs. If you sit up you can't hear anything but if you lay down with your ear against the cushion you can hear people talking downstairs. Interesting. Not as interesting as toy lambs with heartbeats but interestdng nonetheless (good word).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. I did not know that. Have to give it a try . . .

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  2. ps...I have Monday's PhotoPrompt up.

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  3. The haunted couch. For a moment I thought that someone's kid had gotten stuck under the couch and had gone to sleep.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, that was LAST week! Harold! There you are! And there's my hairbrush!

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  4. Oh, if you only knew how many of those stuffed animals had their hearts ripped out in the middle of the night as they awakened our children inadvertently! Yes, they are supposed to be soothing, but they can also startle a baby awake in a heartbeat! LOL! LOVED this story! :)
    Love and God Bless!

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    Replies
    1. You mean they make more of them???! Oh. My. Goodness. One nearly sacred us to death. I can only imagine what a selection would do!

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  5. That is hysterical! And it would have given me pause too. Actually it would have completely freaked me out and sent me in search of a priest to do an exorcism. Probably. On a different yet similar note, my parents gave my children a toy saxophone. A really obnoxious, can't turn it off or the volume down, toy saxophone. Of course my kids loved it as much as my husband and I hated it. It's buttons were very sensitive and no matter where we put it, we would hear that blasted thing start playing ALL THE TIME. Usually in the middle of the night. We never quite managed it, but my husband and I used to lie awake at night and plot how we could hide that thing in my parents' suburban in an un-findable, un-get-to-able place so they'd have to suffer through it all the way home and beyond. Just as we'd suffered. But we did institute some gift-giving rules with our parents as part of the toy saxophone peace treaty of 2006. Thanks for sharing this story. Have I told you how much I enjoy these little visits? From your fellow NOBH crew member . . . Smiles -

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    Replies
    1. Believe me, for a few minutes, exorcism was considered! I'd love to read your 'Toy Saxophone Peace Treaty of 06'. I'll bet it makes interesting reading! I sure do enjoy your visits as well! Thank you!

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  6. That is so funny! Your story telling abilities are awesome as ever and I wish I could be like you! :)

    Thanks for the good read today.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Ginger! You writing abilities are so far beyond mine. I am in awe of you!

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  7. My children tell stories of their childhood toys with noisemakes ripped out the second the indulgent grandparent left. They, proudly, were not so mean (direct quote) to their children.

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    Replies
    1. They are so much better than I, then. When sanity is at stake, noisemakers lose! :)

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  8. How cute but who put the lamb there? :)

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    Replies
    1. We never knew. No one claimed it. That part remains a mystery.

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  9. lol Well there is a solution to everything isn't there?

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  10. You certainly had my attention! Had to re-read the part when your son pulled out the lamb!

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  11. Diane, this story is the kind of story you tell your granchildren and great grandchildren when you're really old. I love it! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the couch did have a soothing heartbeat? If that were the case, I don't think the Significant Other would mind "sleeping on the couch"! hee hee! :)

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