by Grant Tolley
Disclaimer
Parents are responsible for their own children while at
Grandma’s House. Grandpa and Grandma
used to be responsible but they’re not any more.
Toys
All toy trucks with sirens are forbidden –
the neighbours keep running out to see if I have run over their cat. Again.
All musical toys are also forbidden. The national anthem of the Tolley house is
not “Turkey In The Straw.”
“Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” is not on
the list either.
Food
All treats for grandchildren are under
Grandpa’s control. He’ll share with you
as soon as they release him from the psych ward, which will be when he stops
humming “Turkey In The Straw.”
Food prepared at Grandma’s house is made
with TLC. Despite what Grandpa puts in
it.
At Grandma’s house the “best before” date
on her food expires in two hours. Food
not swallowed before this time will not be recycled.
Diapers
Soiled diapers cause leprosy. All pre-lepers shall be banished immediately
to the leper colony at the end of the hallway.
All soiled disposable diapers shall be
immediately wrapped securely in a plastic bag and placed on the front porch for
eventual transport to the garbage can.
Most grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first.
Reusable cloth diapers soiled for longer
than one day before washing shall be sold as fuel to the nearest nuclear power
plant or placed in a rocket and shot into the sun.
No pooping under the dining room table, even
if you are wearing a diaper. This means
you, too, Grandpa.
Sensible rules all of them..... All soiled diapers that raise their ugly heads in this house are bagged and tagged and thrown outside immediately to be sent home with the transgressor.
ReplyDeleteYep. You understand the drill! :)
DeleteI think your husby has covered all the bases. Annoying toys, eating, pooping. Yep!
ReplyDeleteOh my, how I used to mind the sirens on those toys! The only reason I don't mind them now is that we have none in our house. With a wedding in the near future, though, can siren-ed toys be far behind? :)
Your days of siren-less toys are obviously numbered!
DeleteI've only got granddaughters (4--and 3/4 of which the kids are not divulging which it is yet) and I don't have to put up with much more than 'Papa, can you put that Fairy Game on the computer for me?' No, not that kind of fairy game. I do have one granddaughter who has discovered a file, out in Papa's shop. And consequently, I have to keep the shop locked up tight when the kids are down...
ReplyDeleteGeorge, are they not demanding to paint your toenails and do your hair yet? Just wait!
DeleteMy daughter still reminds me of the clacker removed from a pull along toy and the "pop" disappearing from pop goes the weasle toys sent home by her other grandmother. I could not deal with them as a twenty something mother. My own mother knew better than to provide noisy toys.
ReplyDeleteYour mother should have written a toy-giving guide for other grandparents/Aunts/Uncles/Godparents/etc. who may be on the gift-giving list for your child. Sigh.
DeleteOk this was a LOL one. Just as I wiped away my tears from your other post I am breaking up with a chuckle on this one.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
So glad you enjoyed it, LeAnn!
Deletehahahaha Soo funny!
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
DeleteWords to live by...and to laugh by! Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Rachel! And what's life without laughter!
DeleteMost grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first. what's your criteria for throwing one out with the diaper?
ReplyDeleteHmmm . . . good question. I suppose if it's a really nasty one, the temptation would be to just throw out and start over . . .? :)
Deletewhoa, don't mess with Grandma...and watch out for Grandpa.
ReplyDeleteNow you've got it!
DeleteI like your rules! Mind if I copy them?
ReplyDeleteLove,
Chris
Please do! :)
Delete