The truth behind the beard... |
Husby and I come from a long line of designated drivers.
Generations of teetotalers.
It works for us . . .
Husby also spends the month leading up to Christmas dressed
in red and sounding jolly.
These two facts go together.
Perhaps I should explain . . .
Santa lives at the North Pole.
Where it’s cold.
His wearing of red velvet and fur is out of necessity.
Here in Edmonton, Alberta, though it gets bone-snappingly cold
outside, Santa’s helpers – like my husby - inevitably end up sitting in a warm
room. Surrounded by hundreds of overheated people. And in very close contact
with those people’s kiddies.
Let’s put it this way: The red suit absorbs more than
ambiance.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Simply throw it into the
nearest washing machine!
And that would be a great idea.
Except for the fur.
Fur and/or water and/or detergent don’t do well together.
Just FYI.
And sometimes there is a long drought between dry-cleanings.
Sigh.
Now the need for some sort of odor-eater is most apparent
just after Santa finishes a ‘gig’, when Santa and Mrs. are stuck in a warm car together for the
entire ride home.
Sometimes it is a long ride.
On one such ride, our daughter (also closely closeted with us)
mentioned a solution that the theatre costume authorities here in Edmonton use.
They call it ‘French Dry-Cleaning’.
1 part Vodka and 1 part Water. Mix the two and spray all nasty odours away. "And it works!" she said,
holding her nose. "It de-scents the unwashable!"
There was only one problem.
Our household did not have any vodka. (See above.)
Being people of the moment, we stopped in to the nearest
liquor store and Santa girded up his suspenders and headed inside.
A quick question to the proprietor and he was walking down
an aisle and procuring the cheapest bottle of vodka in the store.
Happily, he joined the queue at the checkout.
Let me describe: Man in an overcoat, paying for two bottles
of whiskey.
Another, younger man, buying a couple of cases of beer.
A woman purchasing wine.
And Santa, clutching his bottle of vodka.
He looked up.
And realized that all eyes were on him.
Smiling, rather self-consciously, he said, “I know how this
looks . . .”
The man at the front of the queue promptly responded, “No.
Looks pretty natural to me!”
Ha! Ever wondered how Santa makes it through the holidays?
You heard it here.
Ah...but....did it work?
ReplyDeleteOutside, it was great. I can't vouch for the inside . . .
DeleteHuge smile here, Diane! I think the lesson here is two-fold: vodka and water removes clothing odours, and if we ever see Santa in incriminating circumstances, we should give him the benefit of the doubt :)
ReplyDeleteI love your photo - Santa's eyes cast toward the Mrs!
Exactly, Jenny! A Santa with a bottle in a paper bag is only making sure his outfit smells fresh . . .
DeleteYeah. He spends a lot of time making eyes at the Mrs. :)
Yeah, that's pretty much how I get through the holiday season too . . . well . . . minus the santa suit, that is.
ReplyDeleteBwahahahaha! Just think how things would be if you added the suit . . .
DeleteVodka and water?? Good tip. Or you could make the costumes with detachable fur bits so they could be washed. There's all kinds of options: buttons, velcro, press studs. Fiddly, but do-able.
ReplyDeleteYou both look great in velvet and fur!
I had experimented with that - the snapping on and off. I may try it again. The hard part's getting the snaps on the leather . . .
DeleteTake the leather to a bootmaker and get the snaps put on?
DeleteMore Santa stories please! Love them...
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Lana! :)
DeleteI'd never heard of the vodka trick, but it sounds like a good one! And yes, I can imagine Santa in the liquor store clutching his cheap vodka...
ReplyDeleteThe picture comes up far too easily! :)
DeleteI never heard of that idea but hey whatever works for those long rides home! I'm the same as you, the only alcohol you will find in my house is of the rubbing variety!
ReplyDeleteHmmm . . . I wonder what would happen if I simply sprayed him?!
DeleteKindred spirits, Rena. So to speak . . .
#JUSOFONII Great story! But ya know, Santa would have to be the one to get the booze at the Claus home. The Mrs. is too much of a lady and the elves would be constantly carded... ; )
ReplyDeleteBwahahaha! True on all counts . . .
DeleteSo - I can't help but wonder if Santa then smelled like a drunk? Oh wait - is vodka odorless?! Love the photo!!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I could just picture it all. You didn't say whether the formula for odor worked.
ReplyDeleteBlessings for the chuckles on this one!