The holiday season is fast approaching. A time of family get-togethers and, hopefully, fun family times.
Hopefully.
We'll start with a . . .
Disclaimer
Parents are responsible for their own children while at Grandma’s house. Grandpa and Grandma used to be responsible – but they’re not anymore.
Toys
1. All toy trucks with sirens are forbidden – alarmed neighbours keep running out to see if Grandpa has run over their cat.
2. All musical toys are also forbidden. The national anthem of the Tolley house is not “Turkey in the Straw.”
3. “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” is not on the list either.
Food
4. All treats for grandchildren are under Grandpa’s control. He’ll share with you as soon as they release him from the psyche ward, which will be when he stops humming “Turkey in the Straw.”
5. Food prepared at Grandma’s house is made with TLC. Despite what Grandpa puts in it.
6. At Grandma’s house the “best before” date on her food expires in two hours. Food ingested but not swallowed before this time will not be recycled.
Diapers
7. Soiled diapers carry a ‘Noxious-Gas’ rating of 10. All carriers shall be banished immediately to the clean-up facility at the end of the hallway.
8. All soiled diapers shall immediately be wrapped securely and placed on the front porch for eventual transport to the garbage can. Most grandchildren should be removed from the diaper first.
9. Reusable cloth diapers soiled for longer than one day before washing shall be sold as fuel to the nearest nuclear power plant or placed in a rocket and shot into the sun.
10. No pooping under the dining room table, even if you are wearing a diaper. This means you, too, Grandpa.
You can thank me after the holidays.
Grampa
Grampa
I will post these rules.
ReplyDeleteThere won't be anybody to read them. lol
I like #5.
Heehee! Truth to tell, I didn't post them, either. Except here...
DeleteI think all these rules make sense, especially no pooping under the dining room table! That's a deal breaker.
ReplyDeleteTell me...
DeleteExcellent rules.
ReplyDeleteI am going to add one a work colleague had in place (which I hope is mostly unnecessary). Her rule was no penises on the table. Her young son spent as much time as he could naked. He liked his dinner. And one never to be forgotten meal I had at their place he stood on his chair and reached across the table for a tasty treat. His mother immediately invoked that rule and he sat down.
This is hilarious :) And kind of frightening that he seemed familiar with the rule!
DeleteBwahahahaha! With four sons and six grandsons, I can totally relate!
DeleteThese are perfect! I may have to borrow them.
ReplyDeleteThey're yours!
DeleteI have a problem with rule #8. "eventual" removal to the garbage bin?
ReplyDeleteMove the bin closer and get them in there right away.
I agree. The faster the better!
DeleteI think all grandparents should make these rules clear at the "we're pregnant" announcement!
ReplyDeleteI also notice there are more rules about errant pooping than anything else :)
There seems to be a lot of pooping going on at our house. Go figure...
DeleteHeeheehee! Someday these will need to be invoked here, so far, all of the children are potty trained.
ReplyDeleteEC's story had me gasping, too.
We keep potty training. Then the new ones appear. It's a never-ending story!
DeleteGoing to include that one next time!