Straw Into Gold

He said a few things.

She said a few things.

Temperatures rose.

You know how it is . . .

Then he was outside, loudly numbering all his daughter’s faults to his neighbour.

Some of which: ‘My daughter has claws and my supper was cold’, were overheard by the king.

Oops.

When the king asked him to repeat what he had just said, the embarrassed miller . . . juggled things a bit. “Erm . . . my daughter can spin straw into gold!”

And that’s how the whole mess started.

Needless to say, the king soon had the girl, Nell, parked in a sub-basement surrounded by masses of straw. And equipped with a state-of-the-art spinning wheel.

I won’t bore you with the tears and despair after the king left.

A little old woman popped out of somewhere and tugged on Nell’s plain, homespun dress. “What’s the matter, hon?”

Out poured the whole sordid story.

There followed a few moments of bargaining and a fine jade necklace (that had belonged to Nell’s deceased mother) exchanged hands.

After that, the old woman got to work.

And actually spun all that straw into gold.

I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise to know that the king was beyond pleased.

But not so ‘beyond’ that he didn’t recognize what a prize he’d managed to latch onto.

Rather than let the girl go, he merely set her in another, larger room, filled with even more straw.

More tears.

Another ‘little old woman’ appearance.

More bargaining, this time for a little jade ring that matched the aforementioned necklace.

And, by morning, another room filled to the rafters with gold.

And did the king give up there?

Nope.

He hadn’t even set his treasurers to counting up the gold he had already accumulated before he was setting Nell in a third, much larger chamber, again filled to the rafters with . . . well, what do you think?

This time, though, the story took a bit of a left-hand turn.

Because, when the old woman appeared, Nell has nothing left with which to pay her.

There followed some knitting of brows and thoughtful tapping of forehead with gnarled old fingers. Then a small ‘eureka’ moment. The woman looked at Nell with bright, button-black eyes. “The king has a son and, after all this, I’m quite sure he will want to marry you.”

Nell just stared at her.

You have to know that, in Nell’s day and age, arranged marriages were still fairly common. Usually, some money exchanged hands. Either the groom paying for the bride, or vice-versa.

And, let’s face it, an enormous amount of money (ie. gold) had already exchanged hands.

Things were pretty much decided.

“So, what I’m thinking is . . . after the two of you marry, there will inevitably be a first-born child.”

Nell nodded, cautiously.

The old woman gave her a gap-toothed smile. “Well, I’ll help you out in exchange for that child.”

Okay, who’s with me in thinking that is a terrible bargain?

But Nell’s nimble mind was working. No way she was going to marry some ‘for-sale’ prince. There wouldn’t be a marriage and certainly no first-born child. She smiled and put out her hand. “Agreed.”

And the old woman got to work.

Another chamber filled to the ceiling with gold.

It won’t come as a surprise to hear that the king was more than pleased. Or that things rolled out kind of like the old woman described.

The surprise came when Nell was introduced to the prince. Who turned out to be . . . nice.

And kind.

And caring of his people.

And definitely easy on the eyes.

Oh, dear.

They courted.

Married.

And, sure enough, soon announced the forthcoming birth of the next generation of royalty.

In due course, the baby arrived, a strong, healthy boy.

And, also in due course, the old woman appeared, demanding said infant.

More tears and pleadings. But a bargain’s a bargain.

Finally, in the face of certain hysterics, the old woman relented enough to strike a new sub-bargain. “If you can guess my name in three tries, the original deal is broken,” she told Nell. “And don’t pin your hopes on ‘Rumpelstiltskin’. Because that is the dumbest name in the history of the world!”

Huh. So much for the stories my parents told me.

Just sayin’ . . .

There followed three days of the princess’ guards collecting women’s names from all over the kingdom. Three attempts to match name to old woman.

And three utter failures.

Finally, Nell was facing the old woman. Her last guess had failed.

With tears rolling down her cheeks, she looked over the woman’s head to her assembled guards, intending to thank them for their service.

What she said was, “You are meritorious and . . .”

She got no further.

The old woman’s face turned red. “What did you say?” she gasped.

“You are meritorious . . .” Nell said cautiously.

“How did you guess it?”

Nell blinked, but, being an unusually intelligent girl, put it together instantly. “I’ve always known,” she said, smiling. “I just wanted to give you a fighting chance.”

The old woman said something rude and disappeared, never to be seen again.

Now you would probably like to imagine the prince and princess and their new baby lived happily ever after.

Proving that even romances begun in the strangest of circumstances can thrive.

So, you know what? Go ahead and imagine it.