A beautiful young woman, former princess/heir to the throne, takes up residence with seven men, then marries another man she met only once.
Sound a little unrealistic? Like a story of courage and fortitude
with more than a dollop of ‘from the frying pan into the fire’?
Stay with me, won’t you, please? Because the telling of the whole
story is even weirder. As in most of our beloved fairy tales.
Snow White, she of the aforementioned princess/heir status
ended up in the home of the seven men because she fled her step-mother.
Perhaps I should mention: SW fled SM because the older woman
was a tad psychotic and intended to rule. Over Snow White’s dead body.
And achieve star-studded ‘First Beauty’ status with the same
knife thrust. See? Psychotic. And a little obsessed with the ol’ reflection. Still
with me?
Fleeing to the forest, SW was immediately befriended by many
gentle woodsy creatures (Google: REALITY) and led to the home of seven brother
miners.
Who were immediately captivated by her charm and beauty. As
well as her ability to create delicious victuals using only gleanings from the
forest.
Let’s face it—with no neighbourhood Superstore, this frugal ability
would definitely be highly prized by men who regularly dined on REAL mud pies.
All was well. But you have to know the story gets tricky
here. Because heaven forbid they should all live ‘happily ever after’. Yet...
Now the SM turned out to be a witch with some semi-astonishing
magical powers and she discovered her initial plot against SW had failed.
Please see: Magic-Mirrors-I-Have-Known-and-Loved/Hated-Because-They-Let-Me-Down-Just-When-I-Needed-Them-the-Most-Boo-Hoo.
So SM conjures up an astoundingly beautiful (poisoned) apple
just for SW. Hmmm…something beautiful outside and ugly within. Are we seeing a
pattern here?
Then disguises herself and trots happily off through the dark
forest to the cottage of the seven brother miners where her nemesis innocently awaits.
Now SW should have been suspicious right from the start. I
mean who delivers apples in the forest? I can’t even get a pizza.
SW takes one bite of that nasty ol’ apple and falls to the ground.
Apparently lifeless. SM, cackling merrily, runs off into the forest.
Now the story could have easily ended there. Except for the
wisdom of those aforementioned gentle woodsy creatures who uncharacteristically
knew what to do.
Quickly they ran to fetch the brothers, bringing them to the
scene of the crime just in time for them to glimpse SM. Leaving.
I probably don’t have to describe the breath-catching chase
or its inevitable end as a charred and smoky witch plummets to her doom.
Or the tears as the brothers then gather around SW’s
still-apparently-lifeless body. And their efforts to build a glass coffin to
house their beloved.
The winter passes. Eventually. And spring brings with it a
young prince—glimpsed only once in SW’s garden shortly before this whole
debacle started.
He sees SW in her glass coffin and immediately orders
the crypt opened. I know what you’re thinking. There’s a word for it. Ew.
Then he takes the lovely maiden in his arms and kisses her.
Whereupon (good word) the bite of poisoned apple slips from her mouth.
This conjures up the ‘how-long-can-you-keep-a-bite-of-something-you-hate-in-your-mouth’
contest. Till now Granddaughter held the record: 3 hours with a mouthful of
oatmeal.
SW awakens from her slumber and, with a complete disregard
for (surely) the worst case of morning breath ever, happily kisses the prince
back.
He then carries her back to his kingdom, marries her, and
they live there (yes, this is where this comes in) happily ever after.
Or at least until their daughter loses her golden ball down a well and kisses a frog… But that is a whole other story.
Today’s post is a writing challenge! Each month one of the participating bloggers picks a number between 12 and 50. All bloggers taking part that month are then challenged to write using that exact number of words in their post either once or multiple times.
This month’s word count number is: 24
It was chosen by: Mimi
At the end of this post, you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Keep the party going!
I not only love the way you re-tell a story, but your sense of humor the whole way through.
ReplyDeleteSmiling. And how lucky that the Prince didn't swallow that piece of apple when it left her mouth while it was engaged with his...
ReplyDeleteYou really have a way with fairy tales. I know that isn't the genre you specialize in, but you really should write a fractured fairy tale book.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great way of re-telling that fairy tale. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteYou do these so well, it amazes me the way you can retell a story.
ReplyDeleteExcellent re-telling, as usual! And did Granddaughter really keep that oatmeal in her mouth for three hours? That's amazing :)
ReplyDelete