27

Once upon a time...in Norway...

This story begins with a childless queen looking for advice on ‘how-to-have-a-baby’. Taking her royal self down to the village, she consults a peasant woman. 

I know what you’re thinking—the answer to her question probably lies a little closer to home 

(ie. the royal bedroom), but go with me on this…

 

The woman gives the queen some rather strange advice—namely that she is to look under her bed in the morning. She will find, there, two flowers.

 

Huh. When I look under my bed, all I find are bunnies—of the ‘dust’ phylum. Don’t fairy tale people have all the luck? Just sayin’…

 

Anyways, when she finds these flowers, she’s supposed to eat the pretty one and ignore the ugly one. I don’t even want to touch that. Any thoughts?

 

But the queen, perhaps unwilling to follow someone else’s advice—even that of a wise woman—eats both flowers. Will anyone join me in a general eye roll?

 

Nine months later, (yes, even fairy tale babies take that long) the queen gives birth. To an ugly girl riding a goat and brandishing a wooden spoon.

 

Okay, hold the fort. I’ve given birth. It was uncomfortable to say the least. And passing any extras like goats and/or wooden spoons? Yeah…no. Just no.

 

But I admit I do have to snicker when I picture the technician tasked with performing that ultrasound. They probably keeled over in a dead faint. *snort*

 

Needless to say, the queen is fairly surprised by the whole affair—and even more so when her newborn daughter immediately turns and addresses her. Ummm…what?

 

The baby tells her not to be too surprised, shocked and/or upset. Because there is another baby coming who is much, much prettier than she is.

 

Okay, I have something to say here. First of all, there is no such thing as an ugly baby. And second of all…no, there is no second.

 

Sure enough, another daughter is born moments later who is g o r g e o u s, at least by the shallow, worldly measuring stick. And a stick is just a stick. 

 

I expect the queen hardly noticed, though, as she was probably simply relieved she didn’t have to pass another wooden spoon—or goat for that matter.

 

The younger sister is named Glory and the elder, Tatters. Someone needs to speak to these parents, obviously. But then, Tatters likes wearing tatters, never washing and goat-riding.

 

So perhaps the unfortunate choice of her given name could be attributed to simple observation rather than nasty mean-ness or an outright lack of imagination. Right?

Tatters and Glory get along well throughout their growing-up years. In fact they are inseparable until one fateful day when their castle is attacked. By interchangeable bad guys.

 

Now some stories claim these so-called ‘bad guys’ were trolls, witches or goblins. It really doesn’t matter. Any or all would definitely make for a bad day.

Tatters, ever the practical sister, instructs Glory, parents and staff to lock themselves in the castle and let her handle things. Which they all immediately do. ????

 

She then rides out on her oh-so trusty goat, wielding her wooden spoon. Certainly, nothing says ‘invincible’ like a goat and a brandished spoon, am I right?

 

While Tatters is mixing it up with the invaders, her worried sister pokes her head out of a window to ‘check up’. And then something unusual happens…

 

One of the invaders pulls off said head and replaces it with a less-pretty goat’s head. Ugh. Tatters returns from bad-guy chasing to find a goat-headed sister.

 

I’m fairly certain the next scene—where Tatters vents her disgust on all who failed to protect Glory—involves raised voices with perhaps one or two expletives.

The two sisters then sail away on one of Daddy’s ships to the Land of the Bad Guys where Tatters proceeds to kick some serious ‘bad-guy’ butt.

 

She then steals back her sister’s proper head and uses it to replace the temporary and really unacceptable substitute. Even though she obviously likes goats. Per se.

 

The two of them then go on Adventures…(capitol ‘A’ denotes excitement, yes? Ahem…) …sailing around the world and discovering new places and peoples. And, maybe, goats.

 

Finally, they arrive at a kingdom ruled by twin princes, one of whom immediately falls irrevocably for Glory. After a day and a half, he proposes.

 

Okay, some things do move faster in fairy tales. Anyways, Glory refuses him unless he can find someone to marry Tatters. So he looks around… the room.

 

Low and behold there is another young man. RIGHT THERE. Huh. Must be fate. The second prince marries Tatters, but isn’t really happy with the whole arrangement.

 

Finally, tiring of his sullen silence, Tatters asks why he is so silent. The young man—perhaps sneaking an envious glance at his brother and Glory—shrugs.

 

Tatters tells him they could discuss her goat. He shrugs again and asks why she rides an ugly goat. (Okay, maybe something was lost in the translation.)

 

Tatters replies with ‘An ugly goat, you say? This is the most beautiful horse you've ever seen.’ And instantly, the goat changes. Into the finest horse ever. Yow.

 

The prince’s attention has been captured and he begins to ask her about some rather personal things. Like her tatters, her spoon and, yes, her ugly face.

 

Tatters then transforms into a beautiful young woman. Gone are her tatters. And her embarrassingly effective spoon. Now she carries a magic wand and wears practical, breathable clothing.

 

But my question is this: was Tatters a better, more valued person just because her outside had changed to something ‘desirable’? Or was she just the same?

 

And what about her goat/horse? Would he still be respected by his former goat friends? Do goats even have friends? I think this matter should be explored. 

 

And by the way…that spoon? I want one.

Word Counters is one of my favourite challenges. 

This month’s number was 27 and chosen for the group by the invincible Karen of Baking in a Tornado.

Go now and see what the others have created using the number ‘27’!

Links to the other Word Counters posts:

Baking In A Tornado 

Messymimi’s Meanderings