Jumping Jack

Disclaimer: Okay, right off, I want to say that I do not condone the actions of said ‘Jack’ in what follows. In point of fact, I think…

Well, maybe I should start at the beginning…

Jack be nimble,

Jack be quick,

Jack jump over the candlestick

You’ve heard it before, I’m quite sure. This little ditty about a mysterious someone named ‘Jack’ who spends his time airborne over candlesticks.

Now I don’t know about you, but for me, a candlestick is generally used as a source of light. And less commonly, heat.

But never as some sort of athletic measuring stick.

That just makes me uncomfortable.

I mean, what happens if Jack is feeling a little less ‘nimble’ on a given day and thus ‘slower’ in his reaction times?

Would it then follow that we might see:

Jack not nimble

Jack not quick

Jack scooting over yonder hill in a frantic search for a water source.

You’re right. It doesn’t rhyme.

Now just where and/or when did this really strange activity begin?

Are we to believe that one day, out of the blue, some kid named Jack just decided to leap over some random candlestick?

Okay, yes, I know that a group of kids hanging out together are often the architects of ‘mischief’. And maybe someone suggested the art of flame leap-age as a possible reprieve from boredom.

Maybe they even suggested that everyone give it a try, and he who neither lights his britches nor snuffs the candle wins good luck and a long life.

Let’s face it, if one does light one’s britches on fire, long life isn’t going to be a problem.

Ahem…

So:

Kids be nimble

Kids be quick

Kids better find something constructive to do or Mama going to warm kids’ britches--without a candlestick.

Hmmmm. I’m having trouble with this.

Actually, I’ve heard of bridegrooms attempting similar feats—the leaping, not the lighting—in an effort to ensure a long and happy marriage.

But you know me. I prefer things like: affection, conversation and good humour to blah…blah…blah…marriage.

But that’s just me…

So…back to Jack. And his candlestick.

I think the whole exercise is just silly, silly, silly.

Waste of time, energy and resources.

I think it would be better said like this:

Jack be nimble

Jack be quick

Jack leave the candlestick on the table and get Jack’s chores done.

The end.

P.S. Now I’ve heard of hiding your light under a bushel, but never under a derriere.

I just wanted to put that out there.