On the Alberta/Montana Border: The FGM

Friday, January 24, 2025

The FGM

From the Department of
‘Now You Know the Really Real Story’!

I’m quite sure you’ve heard about the ‘Fairy Godmother’ of Cinderella fame.

I mean, who hasn’t wished, at some point, that they had a FGM (see above) who would swoop in and change everything?

I know I have.

Ahem . . .

But do you know who the FGM really was? I mean in really real life?

Well buckle up, Little Pup because this is the really real story . . .

Most of the stories of the FGM start, rightly, at the moment she appears to sweet little Cinderella in her moment of utter despair.

With me so far?

Well now I need for you to come back in time with me. A long way back. To when FGM was, herself, a young woman.

And to do this, I will have to give away a secret.

To be totally truthful, I told the person who entrusted me with said secret that I was absolutely rotten at keeping them.

Secrets, I mean.

And still she persisted.

So it’s really not my fault.

But I digress . . .

FGM, or Merri as she was christened at birth, was the youngest of twin daughters born to the king and queen of Clearwater Fall. The capitol of Fairyland. Or Fairydom. Or whatever you want to call it.

Yep. She’s a fairy princess. Surprised?

Well, I was.

Born just ten short minutes after her sister Perri, Merri was destined to walk always in said sister’s shadow.

But you know what? This never bothered Merri. She was proud of her sister. When someone praised Perri, Merri was no slouch in adding to it. And if anyone found fault with her, as occasionally happens when one is in public life, Merri was fierce in her defense.

So the two sisters grew to happy young womanhood in the protected confines of Clearwater Fall, the city which was, itself nestled in the safe rolling hills of Fairyland. Or Fairydom. (Have you made up your mind yet which to call it? Well hurry up, would you? It takes a long time to write out both names . . .)

Now, the two of them, though they were indeed twin sisters, looked nothing at all alike. Where Perri was tall and slight with flowing blonde locks, Merri was shorter and more round, with thick brown hair that would one day turn snowy white. (Think the FGM in the movies. They are surprisingly accurate!)

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Though Merri was, by nature, more adventurous and energetic than her quiet, studious sister, they spent much of their time together, happily exploring the city and surrounding countryside, or exploring the libraries and surrounding educational systems.

It made for an interesting life.

On the day where it all started (think Cinderella, etc.) the two of them were in one of their favourite places. A bower deep in the Forest of Trees.

You have to know that these people, though bright and cheerful and happy, really weren’t courageous or imaginative when naming distinctive features pertaining to their kingdom. Hence Clearwater Fall, where the clear water falls or the Forest of Trees. Which has a lot of…ahem…trees.

Merri had just finished spinning a tale for her much more romantic sister. A tale which involved, in no particular order, a bevy of wood sprites, a dragon or two, a Prince, several frogs and at least one mushroom. (And no, I’m not going to tell you that one.)

The two of them were lost in their own little worlds for a moment. Perri dreaming of her prince—or maybe her mushroom. And Merri thinking about the tools needed to fight a dragon. And/or the aforementioned prince…or mushroom.

The forest around them was, except for the mad twittering of thousands of birds and bird-like creatures, quiet.

That’s when they heard it—a manly shout, followed by some equally manly splashing and what may have been a few derisive manly chuckles.

Merri, paused in cleaning her nails and turned her head toward the sounds. “Sounds like Gerrold has decided to try fishing again.”

Perri smiled. “After the last time? I don’t think so.”

The manly splashing got louder and was accompanied by several ‘glubs’ and at least one ‘help!’

“Huh. Maybe we should do something?” Merri got to her feet.

Perri waved a languid (real word) hand. “You go ahead. And tell Gerrold to use a fishing pole next time.”

Merri laughed, then poking her hunting blade into its sheath, started off toward the sounds. She didn’t have far to go. Just around some trees—and some more trees, she came upon the pond. And there, near the edge was a thoroughly soaked, entirely outraged, and sinking fast...man.

Merri grabbed a stout length of tree branch and carried it over to the bank nearest the struggling man. “Here!” she shouted.

The man looked at her, then at the branch, held tantalizing close to him. Then he shook his head and sank beneath the muddy water.

“Oh, bother!” Merri muttered. Raising her voice, she shouted, “Perri! We’re going to need some help!” Then she dropped the branch and leaped into the water.

I know you’re probably thinking that Perri, at last glimpse, looked rather lazy and ineffectual. But you have to know that that girl can move. When properly motivated. And her sister’s voice, carrying just the right amount of ‘Yikes’ in it, could do it.

Almost before you can blink, she was standing on the bank exactly where Merri had been moments before, quickly making a study of the roiling water and surmising, correctly, where her sister and whoever she was rescuing were.

And what they, in all probability, needed.

Uncoiling a length of rope she kept in her handy-dandy little hunting pack, she moved to the nearest strong-looking sapling and, using a patented bowline (I knew you'd want to know) knot, quickly and efficiently tied it round.

Then paying out the length of rope behind her, she made her way to the water.

Just as Merri emerged with a very soggy and barely conscious manly-looking man.

It was a simple procedure to toss the end of the line to Merri, who slipped it under the man’s arms and tied it tightly. Then Perri began pulling in the cable while Merri kept the man on his back and his head above water.

In seconds, all three were safely on dry-ish land.

It was then Merri noticed what had probably contributed to the man’s inability to save himself.

His hands were tied behind his back.

The man began to cough and hack and Merri rolled him on his side so he could (ugh) spit up some very nasty-looking water.

As he did so, she took the opportunity to slash through his bindings, freeing his hands.

Finally, he gasped and shuddered and rolled onto his back once more. Then he opened his eyes.

Now you’re probably thinking that, if this story went according to other stories you’ve heard on stage or screen, the young man would immediately spot Merri, his rescuer, fall hopelessly in love and…end of story.

That’s not what happened.

Oh, he spotted someone. And the whole ‘falling-in-love’ scenario followed.

Indeed.

He looked up into the bluest, most amazing eyes he had ever seen.

And said good-bye to his heart forever more.

This is probably the place where I point out that Merri’s eyes are hazel.

I’m sure you’ve caught on.

Yep. All of this happened to Perri. The one who never even got her feet wet.

And to make the story even less likely by today’s story-telling standards, Merri was totally okay with it.

By now, you’re likely wondering how on earth this manly young man ended up in the lake.

Without his swimming costume.

And in a vastly inconvenient position to actually…you know…swim.

Well, it turns out that he was induced into going on a hunt by some rather unsavoury ‘friends’ (I use this word facetiously) who wanted, not his company or his hunting expertise, but his fortune.

Their idea, as closely as I can piece it together, was to have him simply disappear.

Which never happens if you’ve heard any of the stories told by the travelling minstrels. I mean, am I right? The dead bodies always float to the surface and are discovered. And the bad guys are then also discovered and come to sticky ends.

Truth.

But in this story, the dead body wasn’t quite dead enough to refrain from telling tales. The ‘friends’ were brought up on charges and the whole thing just basically caused a nine-days wonder.

The sticky end happened too.

And then the manly young man, whose name was Peter—or Pete as his real friends called him—married Perri and all was well in the world.

Oh. Something else you probably need to know. Fairies—really real fairies—can change their size. Yep. The truth is that, originally, they were quite normal sized. Human normal sized. But, as the real humans and other creatures took over more and more of the surrounding countryside, it became convenient for them to…shrink. Take up less space. Be less noticeable.

So a fairy and a human (because that’s what Pete was) getting married was, not only possible, but entirely…erm… possible.

And a year of wedded bliss later, they welcomed their firstborn daughter. Whom they immediately named Ella (You can see where this is going).

Merri was asked to be the sweet little half-fairy, half-human girl’s godmother. Something she accepted with alacrity (also a real word meaning, roughly, eagerness).