Brain Pain

I’m famous.

Well, at least quoted.

Okay, not famous, but quoted once.

Maybe I should explain . . .

You know those pithy sayings that people spout?

Things like:

The pun is mightier than the word.

The road to success is always under construction.

All my life I've always wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific.

When I was a boy I was often told that anybody could become president. I'm beginning to believe it.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse—it'll be a great trade.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

Every day is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

Good judgement comes from experience, and experience ... well, that comes from poor judgement.

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel - if there isn't, it's not a tunnel ...

And

No pain, no gain.

It was this last that, in 1983, I changed to suit my own purposes. My version: No brain, no pain.

Okay, yes others have said it, but I swear I'd never heard it when I came up with it.

I said it a lot—especially to my kids whenever they bumped or stubbed or fell. 

My saying was picked up.

And repeated . . .

My good friend, Kelly, was preparing chicken for supper. She had bought a whole bird and was busily cutting it into pieces to fry.

This requires a knife—preferably sharp—which she had.

And finesse. Which came and went.

She was ready to separate a wing from the body. Had set the knife just so. And pressed down. Hard.

The knife slipped.

And caught her innocent bystander of a finger instead.

The blade nearly severed it.

Yes, I know. Horrible.

But now comes the part in between the injury and the medical care.

The part where she grabbed her finger in a tight grip and did the dance of pain around the kitchen.

Accompanied by the words: “I have a brain! I have a brain! I have a brain!”

Later, with her poor hand cozily wrapped, she told me, “All I could think was ‘No brain, no pain.”
See? Famous.