Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Monday, September 16, 2019

Fowl Language


A woman wished to buy her husband something really neat,
To celebrate his birthday and to show him he was sweet.
She knew that he liked birds so to the bird shop she did go,
To find a wondrous gift that on her man, she could bestow.
While there she saw a lot of birds, some colourful, some plain,
(She needed something really grand, so he would not complain.)
The salesman showed her one, he said, was smarter than the rest,
She cocked her head and looked at it, then tried a little test.
“Pretty bird,” she whispered. “Pretty bird. Please say it now.”
“Well, *bleep*!!” The old bird shouted. “Why’d I want to anyhow?!”
The woman blinked, then smiled and said, “This is the one for me.”
“I’ll take the cage as well and then we'll see what we shall see!”
In the corner of the living room, she set the bird and cage,
To celebrate her husband’s advent into middle age.
When he came home, he took one look, said, “What the heck is this?”
“Your birthday gift,” his good wife said. “Now come give me my kiss.
 “He’s smart,” his wife went on to say. “I know you will be glad!”
“Nice bird!” the old guy told her. “Well, I guess it ain’t that bad.
“Hey, fella! Gotta name?” he asked. “I think I’ll call you Fred.”
His new pet turned and looked at him. “*Bleep* off,” the old bird said.
“I won’t have this! I’ll show you!” said the husband, now enraged,
He grabbed, then stuffed, him in the fridge (instead of in his cage).
“This will show you!” Husband barked. “I’ll frost your beak a mite.
“And perhaps when you’re released you’ll be a little less ‘forthright’.”
A short time hence when Fred came out, said shak’ly, “I admit,
“It’s cold as *bleep* in there and I don’t like it one *bleep* bit.”
“Still swearing? Well, let’s see the freezer change your nasty tone!
“And if your words get better in the dark and cold alone!”
This time when Fred came out, and as he straightened frozen wings,
And clacked his frosty beak and picked some frost off toes and things,
He looked up cautiously at his new owner, and he said,
“Thank you for freeing me. In one more minute, I’d be dead!
“But could you answer just one question for me now, I pray?
“I have to ask…what the *bleepy-bleep* did the turkey say?”

Mondays do get knocked a lot,
With poetry, we all besought,
To try to make the week begin
With pleasant thoughts--perhaps a grin?
So all of us together, we,
Have posted poems for you to see.
Now go and see what they have done
I'm sure it will be lots of fun!
And now you've seen what we have brought . . .
Did we help?
Or did we not?

Next week, it will be fun, I think,
Our topic is our favourite drink!
Thanks, Jenny! 

11 comments:

  1. I want that bird! Years ago my friend had a bird just like that. It would curse as soon as you sat down next to it. (Rena)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaha! Now I'm wondering what my dad would have done with a bird like that! (He was a real stickler for language.) The funny thing is: this was his joke! :)

      Delete
  2. LOL!!!!! I'm dying here, Diane!!!

    Thank you so much for this great joke!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so welcome, Jenny! It was one of Daddy's favourites!

      Delete
  3. Smiling - and convinced that the bird will find a way to get its vengeance. Or at least I hope so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't you just see the narrowed eyes? The furrowed brow? Okay, maybe not that last, but the narrowed eyes for sure! ;)

      Delete
  4. Heeheehee! You did a bleep-bleep job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heehee! And you gave a great *bleeping* compliment! Hey. This is fun!

      Delete
  5. Hehe. That was well written indeed. This joke was one my sister used to tell, I haven't thought of it in all the years in between. And your telling was really good - and rhyming even. Applauds from me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! My Dad used to tell it. He was such a stickler for 'language'!

      Delete
  6. I’m in my bed, you’re in yours. One of us is obviously in the wrong place. Click here and Check me out i am getting naked here ;)

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for visiting! Drop by again!

God's Tree

God's Tree
For the Children

Third in the series

Third in the series
Deborah. Fugitive of Faith

The Long-Awaited Sequel to Daughter of Ishmael

The Long-Awaited Sequel to Daughter of Ishmael
A House Divided is now available at all fine bookstores and on Amazon.com and .ca!

Daughter of Ishmael

Daughter of Ishmael
Now available at Amazon.com and .ca and Chapters.ca and other fine bookstores.

Romance still wins!

Romance still wins!
First romance in a decade!

Hosts: Your Room's Ready

Hosts: Your Room's Ready
A fun romp through the world's most haunted hotel!

Follow by Email

Hugs, Delivered.

Compass Book Ratings

Compass Book Ratings

Ghost of the Overlook

Ghost of the Overlook
Need a fright?

My Granddaughter is Carrying on the Legacy!

My Granddaughter is Carrying on the Legacy!
New Tween Novel!

Gnome for Christmas

Gnome for Christmas
The newest in my Christmas Series

SnowMan

SnowMan
A heart warming story of love and sacrifice.

Translate

My novel, Carving Angels

My novel, Carving Angels
Read it! You know you want to!

My Second Novel: Kris Kringle's Magic

My Second Novel: Kris Kringle's Magic
What could be better than a second Christmas story?!

Join me on Maven

Connect with me on Maven

Essence

Essence
A scientist and his son struggle to keep their earth-shattering discovery out of the wrong hands.

Essence: A Second Dose

Essence: A Second Dose
Captured and imprisoned, a scientist and his son use their amazing discovery to foil evil plans.

Looking for a Great Read?

E-Books by Diane Stringam Tolley
Available from Smashwords.com

The Babysitter

The Babysitter
A baby-kidnapping ring has its eye on J'Aime and her tiny niece.

Melissa

Melissa
Haunted by her past, Melissa must carve a future. Without Cain.

Devon

Devon
Following tragedy, Devon retreats to the solitude of the prairie. Until a girl is dropped in his lap.

Pearl, Why You Little...

Pearl, Why You Little...
Everyone should spend a little time with Pearl!

The Marketing Mentress

The Marketing Mentress
Building solid relationships with podcast and LinkedIn marketing

Coffee Row

Coffee Row
My Big Brother's Stories

Better Blogger Network

Semper Fidelis

Semper Fidelis
I've been given an award!!!

The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award
My good friend and Amazing Blogger, Marcia of Menopausal Mother awarded me . . .

Irresistibly Sweet Award

Irresistibly Sweet Award
Delores, my good friend from The Feathered Nest, has nominated me!

Sunshine Award!!!

Sunshine Award!!!
My good friend Red from Oz has nominated me!!!

My very own Humorous Blogger Award From Delores at The Feathered Nest!

Be Courageous!


Grab and Add!

Search This Blog

Ghost of the Overlook

Ghost of the Overlook
Need a fright?