Stories from the Stringam Family Ranches of Southern Alberta

From the 50s and 60s to today . . .



Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Red vs Big


1. There once was a sweet little girl. Her name’s unknown. Because she always wore a red-hooded cloak made by her mother, she was just called Red Riding Hood.
 
2. Red Riding Hood (or RRH for short and to save words), was always very happy to help her mother. And, by association, grandmother, who lived in the woods.
 
3. One fine day, RRH, carrying a basket of goodies, was wending (Oooh! Good word!) her way to said grandmother’s house to supply aid and/or sweet treats as needed.
 
4. Along the way, she was met by a Wolf who was not only Big and Bad (note the capital letters), but also could converse quite well in human.
 
5. Sooo…not your normal wolf by any stretch of the imagination.
He asked her where she was going and RRH, being a bright, friendly, albeit naive child, told him.
 
6. He smiled and waved her off, then, being Crafty as well as Big and Bad, took a shortcut through the woods, arriving at Grandmother’s just ahead of RRH.
 
7. What transpired when he and Grandmother met is unclear. Perhaps he gobbled her up. Poor choice. Everyone knows senior citizens are high in cholesterol and low in fiber.
 
8. Regardless of what happened, their interaction culminated in his weird wearing of the elderly woman’s nightgown and sitting in her bed when the sweet, unsuspecting RRH arrived.
 
9. There followed a dialogue consisting of questions and answers designed to ferret out the truth. And which ended with BBCW (see above) chasing RRH around the cabin.
 
10. A local woodcutter, heading home for the day, heard RRH’s shrieks, arriving just in time to see her bash BBCW over the head with the aforementioned treat basket.
 
11. Now, normally, this would have been passed over as a fairly amusing attempt to waylay someone as powerful as the BBCW. Except for the fairly heavy honey pot.
 
12. If any of you have had the misfortune of dropping one of those suckers on your toe, you know the damage they can do. Even at low speeds.
 
13. This one laid the BBCW out pancake flat. So flat, the bulge in the critter’s belly became noticeable. Did anyone bet on the ‘gobbled up’ story? You just won.
 
14. The woodcutter, possessing—you know—woodcutting…stuff…immediately slit open that belly and, what do you think? Out popped a very disgruntled and rather untidy, but totally alive Grandmother!
 
15. Then the three of them found several large stones and filled that greedy belly with them. Because nothing says ‘full and satisfied’ like a belly full of rocks.
 
16. Then Grandmother, possessing the skills, sewed that old belly shut quick as a wink. (Of course blood, gore and correct bodily functions have no place in fairy tales.)
 
17. The BBCW, when he awoke, felt full and satisfied (see 15) but extremely thirsty. He made his way to a nearby stream where he bent for a drink.
 
18. But those wretched rocks shifted (they’re quite unpredictable you know, rocks) and pulled him into and underneath the clear water. And there and then, the BB(not so)CW drowned.
 
19. I’m quite sure that RRH, her mother and grandmother and even the woodcutter really didn’t want this for the BBCW. What can I say? He made poor choices.
 
20. So, something to think about. If laziness and craftiness try to inhabit the same sphere, laziness will win. Or actually—lose. However you want to look at it.
 
Word Counters is a totally fun word challenge.
This month, the number of words allowed? 28. Chosen by: ME!
Care to see what the others in the challenge have created?
Baking In A Tornado 
Messymimi’s Meanderings  

12 comments:

  1. Great use of your word count. And let me just add, not only laziness, but greed seems to come to no good as well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh honey, laziness JUST came up on my. mind, too, just now!

    ReplyDelete
  3. A fun take on the prompt. I am smiling particularly at the high cholesterol, lack of fibre in the elderly. Mind you they often have LOTS of moral (as opposed to dietary) fibre.

    ReplyDelete
  4. A great take on a classic. So glad the grandmother survived, albeit a tad messy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess it all comes down to a cleaning bill as compared to a funeral bill! :)

      Delete
  5. I don't know about senior citizens not having fiber. As I grow older, my body is getting all kinds of lumps and bumps and growths, plus wings and a turkey neck - can fiber be far behind? Apart from that, this was hilarious! (in a way)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is it with old age and lumps? That will have to be a story for another day! :)

      Delete
  6. Heeheehee! Your retellings have a lilt to them totally missing in the originals.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Mimi! It is just so much fun to do!

      Delete

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